Oh woe is me, I'm such a twat. I locked my key inside my flat

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And now I pass the time away inside this internet cafe
My flatmates won't be back for hours, outside it's raining wint'ry showers...

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Ah crap. I hate it when that happens. Then again, it's worse (for others) when you leave the key on the door (on the inside) so they can't get in... and you're sleeping. Happened to me years ago.

― nathalie (stevienixed), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:19 (seventeen years ago) link

That's funny. In American, "twat" and "flat" don't rhyme.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Ah yes, "twot", I've heard that in the movies.

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:23 (seventeen years ago) link

I cannot even call my friends to find out if they're at loose ends -
I also left my phone inside. When I found out I nearly cried

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:26 (seventeen years ago) link

I left my keys in Mr Rumps car a few weeks ago. I was starting work at ten thirty and he was in work from seven thirty.

I didn't notice until I tried to leave the house at ten and couldn't. I had to call him to come thirty miles back to the house and let me out. Woops.

― Rumps (Rumps), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:27 (seventeen years ago) link

unfortunately I read that as 'I left my keys in Mr Rumps a few weeks ago.'

― sede vacante (blueski), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:29 (seventeen years ago) link

"I left my keys in Mr's rump a few weeks ago"

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Still, this internet cafe's only £1/hour. And they're playing er whatever it was that Summertime by Will Smith sampled.

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Kool and the Gang, baby.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Free verse from the Ledge there. Shame really - this thread was like an ILX Rupert the Bear strip up till then.

― Maaarghk C (Maaarghk C), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Shit I spoiled the flowing rhyme, I'll try to take more care next time.

― Rumps (Rumps), Thursday, 7 December 2006 15:57 (seventeen years ago) link

I got lazy.

The silver lining in this cloud: the web cafe costs but a pound
And on the radio I hear a melody from yesteryear!

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:00 (seventeen years ago) link

I also passed some time away inside my local library
And read some of Promethea by comics guru Alan Moore

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Did you sing along in that cafe
When you heard the song? (or is that gay?)

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:07 (seventeen years ago) link

I did not raise my voice for fear, perhaps, that other folk would think me queer

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:10 (seventeen years ago) link

The twat/flat rhyming scheme gives it that essential Mike Skinner feel.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

why did you have to come here, and post a stupid thing like that
cos yeah it felt like this thread is through though but you could have ruined it you're such a twat

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh ken c you're a funny man, although your verse it does not scan

I had to leave the web café, and come back to the libraré
they shut their doors at 4.30, which is exceedingly early

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 7 December 2006 16:32 (seventeen years ago) link

You know what's superfun is when you get locked out of your dorm room at 1:30 in the morning, or when you forget your wallet/ID/keys at home 80 miles south and don't get 'em back for 5 days

― less-than three's Christiane F. (drowned in milk), Friday, 8 December 2006 18:30 (seventeen years ago) link

I'd only ever read the word twat & had no idea of its pronunciation. When I said it, it came out rhymed with flat, and chuckles and ribbing ensued. That was 6 years ago and some people still make fun of me for it. Glad it's acceptable somewhere.

― Abbott (Abbott), Friday, 8 December 2006 20:47 (seventeen years ago) link

i must say i did not know that
you 'mericans even said "twat"
it strikes me as a british word
like "bollocks", "arse" or maybe "turd".

― grimly fiendish (simon), Friday, 8 December 2006 22:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, it's used rarely.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 8 December 2006 22:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Showgirls to thread........

― JTS (JTS), Friday, 8 December 2006 22:57 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm not sure i would have fed you dinner if i'd read this before seeing you tonight.

and i think 'twat' and 'flat' rhyme perfectly in american, at least the way i talk.

― colette (colette), Saturday, 9 December 2006 00:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Wait, but twat and flat rhyme in british because you say "flot" right? We all pronounce twat the same no?

― walterkranz (walterkranz), Saturday, 9 December 2006 00:30 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?twat0001.wav=twat

― ledge (ledge), Saturday, 9 December 2006 00:53 (seventeen years ago) link

n.b. Merriam Webster SITTING ON THE FENCE there. Trying to please everyone, pleasing NO-ONE.

― ledge (ledge), Saturday, 9 December 2006 00:54 (seventeen years ago) link

the title of this thread has a really sing-songy quality to it. i can imagine chanting it over and over at some sporting event:

Oh woe is me, I'm such a twat. I locked my key inside my flat!
Oh woe is me, I'm such a twat. I locked my key inside my flat!

― latebloomer's ice rink of martyrdom (clonefeed), Saturday, 9 December 2006 01:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Sung to the tune of "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee".

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 9 December 2006 02:00 (seventeen years ago) link

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