Sandbox APOCALYPTO!

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Indeed, "Apocalypto" is the most violent movie Disney has ever released, with so much blood spurting out of orifices that even Martin Scorsese would blush.

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to see heads and hearts removed without anesthesia, then this is the movie for you.

...

"Apocalypto" really is a video game, a sort of "Survivor" set in what would become the Mayan ruins as we know them today.

The action is often cartoonish, and the dialogue — which is all spoken in some ancient dialect with subtitles — is often preposterous.

In one scene, after what seems like the umpteenth bloody killing, one Mayan quips to another and the translation is, "He's f—-ed."

...

Semler's production is so shiny and perfect that his Mayans sometimes seem like they're in a Coca-Cola commercial. Instead of the dusty world of "Dances with Wolves," we get the high sheen of Kodak prints.

Sometimes, the result of this is a vivid portrait of death. For example, a jaguar eats a man's head, and masticates. Half-dressed Mayans are shot through the head, heart and chest with arrows and knifed sometimes without notice and almost always in the most gruesome ways possible. Heads roll and bounce, for real, down the long stairs of the Kukulcan Pyramid, or what we now regard the centerpiece of the Mayan ruins.

Blood doom death...APOCALYPTO!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 December 2006 16:52 (nineteen years ago)

MELTON MOWBRAY TO THREAD

― teh_kit (g-kit), Friday, 1 December 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

I thought this was the Marcello thread where IT HAPPENED!!!

― M Grout (Mark Grout), Friday, 1 December 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

like i said on noize, it's basically braveheart meets home alone in the south american jungle.

it was kinda fun!

― hank s1ockli (hanks1ockli), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

Brilliant. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:12 (nineteen years ago)

although i probably won't see it until tv stumbling upon on some night i am really enjoying the title - so much so that i just went looking for an official tshirt (to no avail).

APOCALYPTO!

― jhoshea (jhoshea), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

every time I see this trailer I assume that it is the Anthony Kiedis biopic

― bangelo (bangelo), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

it's a pretty fun word!
xpost

slocki's description is freakin gold
i do still kinda want to see it

― impermanent rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:43 (nineteen years ago)

Edward James Olmos liked it, but I'll wait for the Onion review.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Friday, 1 December 2006 17:47 (nineteen years ago)

sixty year old native hawaiian dude i work with after a conversation regarding Nostradamus VS. Mayans when it comes to predicting the end of the world (paraphrased):

"You see dat Mel Gibson Apocalypto movie coming out? They say the mayans were the smartest and most advanced people evah? Yeah, they so smart, why they run around naked with things stuck in thier noses? Have some more tequila Mel!"

― grady (grady), Friday, 1 December 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha. did he say it with a crusty jewish accent?

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Friday, 1 December 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

no, a crusty hawaiian/pidgin accent.

― grady (grady), Friday, 1 December 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

there should be an admendement to the constitution requiring everyone to speak in crusty accents of various sorts

― latebloomer (clonefeed), Friday, 1 December 2006 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

~~WTF~~ HOORAY Mel Gibson, your movies are so freaking violent.

― drunk Friendster massage (nklshs), Friday, 1 December 2006 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

IM ALL UP IN UR JUNGLE BEHEADIN UR MAYANS

― Nu-Edward III (edward iii), Friday, 1 December 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)

i think a film about hawaiian people circa 1600 would be pretty similar- minus the pyramids and jaguars of course. there would be more surfing too.

― grady (grady), Friday, 1 December 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

http://alternet.org/blogs/video/45519/

― stevie (stevie2), Thursday, 14 December 2006 23:05 (nineteen years ago)

old hat

― Venom 18, the autistic spy (flezaffe), Friday, 15 December 2006 00:01 (nineteen years ago)

You rang?

― APOCALYPTO (melton), Friday, 15 December 2006 02:18 (nineteen years ago)

this actually wasn't that bad. severely runs out of steam in the last act, though.

also, TAPIR BALLZ

― latebloomer's mayan name is tapir ballz (clonefeed), Friday, 15 December 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

Hey Meltang you never added me to xbox ;_;

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 15 December 2006 02:39 (nineteen years ago)

Eeep, I didn't? I added a trakky from Australia, with a panda bear for a logo, who plays a lot of Oblivion. Surely there aren't two?

― melton mowbray (melton), Friday, 15 December 2006 11:14 (nineteen years ago)

Anybody see the SNL ad for Apocalypto, where they replaced the subtitles with things like "Run, it's the Jews!"

― Nu-Edward III (edward iii), Friday, 15 December 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

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