"Don't mock Left Behind: Eternal Forces because it's a Christian game. Mock it because it's a very bad game."

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So the Left Behind RTS game is out, and it's about as good a game as the books are literature . The harshest review is from Gamespot, which lists thusly:

How goofy is this tale? Well, the battleground between the true believers' Tribulation Force and the Antichrist's Global Community Peacekeepers is a heathenish New York City. Your units include gospel-singing musicians, missionaries, healers, and medics. Enemy units feature college-trained secularists, devils, and foul-mouthed rock stars with their electric twangers. Stereotypes are everywhere. New Yawkers speak with such cheesy accents that they should be driving Brooklyn cabs in 1954 while chewing on unlit stogies. Similarly, the game has a 1950s-style attitude about men and women. Only males can become priestlike disciples and handyman builders, whereas only women can become nurses. Female units are actually designated as such and given ridiculous titles like "Friend Woman" and "Medic Woman," a sexual distinction that unsurprisingly isn't extended to their male counterparts...

Oh yeah, and you can play the Antichrist's side in multiplayer, despite only a Good Guy single-player mode and the righteous condemnation of the Antichrist side that soaks the game.

And it bears repeating that one of the LB authors is a former head of the John Birch Society, which is where much of the "UN's comin' for our GUNS!" nuttiness of the books(and the Rapture Happy movement) comes from.

Since we are a cunning bunch here, I propose we give our own ideas for Biblical or other religious games. These would probably be far better than the shovelware that normally consitutes religious games(going as far back as the NES or more).

I'm thinking everything from a Dynasty Warriors-type smash-em-up for Samson, to one where you can use Shiva to nuke the world.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:18 (nineteen years ago)

Oh yeah, and in the LB game, converted souls really do turn into Ned Flanders, with sweatervests, grey slacks, and even sensible brown shoes.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:19 (nineteen years ago)

I've said it before and I'll say it one more time!

LEGO OLD TESTAMENT THE VIDEO GAME

you could unlock different characters! play through exodus as king david! put methuselah's head on jezebel's body! give "samson's hair" to any character you choose! 100% completion of each chapter gets you a golden piece of the Ark!

also, rated M for Mature, based on one mission in Judges alone, and banned in the EU.

― TOM. BOT. (trm), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:35 (nineteen years ago)

knew this would be a kf thread.

― grady (grady), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.discountgames.org/NES%20Nintendo%20Web/NES%20Images/Bible%20Adventures%20NES%20SS5.png

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:41 (nineteen years ago)

knew this would be a kf thread.

well duh. I'm the one who started the last one

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:54 (nineteen years ago)

even without that knowlege!

― grady (grady), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:55 (nineteen years ago)

LEGO OLD TESTAMENT THE VIDEO GAME

true, and it could have an Onan mini-game, when you control how his spreads his spooge bricklets upon the ground and/or lower back of his brother's widow

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:55 (nineteen years ago)

oh dude, ban yourself for that.

― TOM. BOT. (trm), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:57 (nineteen years ago)

ah c'mon, it's a version of a bad joke i've already made.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 18:58 (nineteen years ago)

You can't spell GUNS without the UN!! Apropos of nothing.

― Donkey Kong New York (Lee), Thursday, 30 November 2006 21:31 (nineteen years ago)

Great caption in the Flanders pic:

"Taylor was a fisherman in Green Bay when the Rapture occurred. He moved to New York to become a fisher of men."

― nate patrin (natepatrin), Thursday, 30 November 2006 23:02 (nineteen years ago)

I always feel bad for the kids of super-fundies who have to grow up playing games, watching movies, hearing songs, reading books, playing with toys that are all just like this. No Batman for you, only VeggieTales. Poor, poor children.

― Abbott (Abbott), Thursday, 30 November 2006 23:10 (nineteen years ago)

But the fun bit is how even in the bizarro world of Christian Supply stores, the manufacturing of pop continues apace.

on a related note, the reviews from the new Nativity Story movie are in... and they're not too good.

but they have some GREAT lines:

from here:

Bottom line: While this straightforward, easily understood approach is the right way to make history accessible--we're talking to you, Sofia Coppola--"The Nativity Story" doesn't rise to anything ground-breaking, and comedic bits involving three wise men break up the level tone. Overall, the movie is just a clean re-telling of a benchmark in the endless conflict between spirituality and science, God and man.

Bonus: It's good to have a reminder that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' child wasn't the most anticipated child of all time!

yup, lots of science in Judea two millenia ago

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 30 November 2006 23:18 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha, I would like if an emperor tried to get all children killed to make sure Tom & Katie's baby did not live to usurp him.

― Abbott (Abbott), Thursday, 30 November 2006 23:21 (nineteen years ago)

WE'RE TALKING TO YOU SOFIA COPPOLA!

― grady (grady), Thursday, 30 November 2006 23:32 (nineteen years ago)

a couple of groups, one religious, one not, are trying to get Wal-mart to yank the game.

When asked about the Arab and Muslim-sounding names, Frichner said the game does not endorse prejudice. But "Muslims are not believers in Jesus Christ" -- and thus can't be on Christ's side in the game.

"That is so obvious," he said.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 14 December 2006 00:30 (nineteen years ago)

and gamefaqs is all aflame

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Thursday, 14 December 2006 00:38 (nineteen years ago)

In Left Behind, set in perfectly apocalyptic New York City, the Antichrist is personified by fictional Romanian Nicolae Carpathia, secretary-general of the United Nations and a People magazine "Sexiest Man Alive."

lol

― step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Thursday, 14 December 2006 01:29 (nineteen years ago)

"Ooh, full conversion!"
"No, you just winged him and made him a Unitarian."

― editio princeps (pato.g27), Thursday, 14 December 2006 04:04 (nineteen years ago)

It looks good. No Mac version?

― I Used To Work At Parcelforce in Cricklewood (nordicskilla), Thursday, 14 December 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

who are you?

― akm (akmonday), Thursday, 14 December 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

I'm Adam and I'm on ILX. hello.

― I Used To Work At Parcelforce in Cricklewood (nordicskilla), Thursday, 14 December 2006 19:48 (nineteen years ago)

are you on the winning side in the war, or the losing? because if you aren't a believer in Jesus Christ, you can't be on the winning side. That's so obvious.

― akm (akmonday), Thursday, 14 December 2006 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

man those Carpathians sure get a bad rap.

http://www.movievillains.com/images/vigo.jpg

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 14 December 2006 22:02 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sure they picked Romania the same way Sacha Cohen picked Kazakhstan (ie, "hey, here's a country no one's ever heard of or will care about if I vilify/stereotype them!")

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 14 December 2006 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

The authors of the books on violent video games, then and now

It’s not more violent than the Old Testament.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 18 December 2006 18:25 (nineteen years ago)

and another bit . Once again, the choicest quote is from the head of the software company:

"There is killing of course, it¹s a video game," says Troy Lyndon the head of Left Behind Games Inc. of Murrieta, Calif.

― kingfish in absentia (kingfish), Monday, 18 December 2006 18:36 (nineteen years ago)

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