euphemisms for sex that make the act sound really grotesque

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

1. the wild monkey dance

if you ain't gonna wash it, i ain't gonna eat it, Friday, 16 December 2011 01:50 (twelve years ago) link

2. the beast with two backs.

Aimless, Friday, 16 December 2011 01:59 (twelve years ago) link

3. smashing

fartz, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:03 (twelve years ago) link

4. the lucky burglar

if you ain't gonna wash it, i ain't gonna eat it, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:05 (twelve years ago) link

5. washing and eating it

nice catch cuauhtemoc blanco niño (dayo), Friday, 16 December 2011 02:06 (twelve years ago) link

in a way the eating is kind of the washing

if you ain't gonna wash it, i ain't gonna eat it, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:07 (twelve years ago) link

6. bumpin' uglies

Dr Morbius, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:12 (twelve years ago) link

I believe #2 only refers to adultery btw

Dr Morbius, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:12 (twelve years ago) link

i don't think that's true?

cad, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:18 (twelve years ago) link

rooting

NKOTBRB (fart), Friday, 16 December 2011 02:23 (twelve years ago) link

being up to one's nuts in guts

NKOTBRB (fart), Friday, 16 December 2011 02:23 (twelve years ago) link

7. playing hide the salami

Aimless, Friday, 16 December 2011 02:30 (twelve years ago) link

8. Intercourse

silby, Friday, 16 December 2011 06:02 (twelve years ago) link

9. porking

wow gould (step hen faps), Friday, 16 December 2011 06:53 (twelve years ago) link

10: humping

Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo, Friday, 16 December 2011 07:26 (twelve years ago) link

11: HELLO THIS IS DOG

Y.O. Mini (MarkG oo la showaddywaddy), Friday, 16 December 2011 07:27 (twelve years ago) link

Oh, and anyone who refers to Wednesday as "Hump Day," and thinks of that as naughty and clever needs to be turned into a burrito and fed to a dog.

Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo, Friday, 16 December 2011 07:32 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, we saw that this week, who does that?

Y.O. Mini (MarkG oo la showaddywaddy), Friday, 16 December 2011 07:46 (twelve years ago) link

Bad radio DJs, in my experience.

Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo, Friday, 16 December 2011 07:54 (twelve years ago) link

I did hear one IT salesman, after coming to our office and pitching for some such rub system, on the phone to his pal refusing a 'meet-up' for a drink as it was his "Conjugals Night"

So, there's number 12.

Y.O. Mini (MarkG oo la showaddywaddy), Friday, 16 December 2011 09:00 (twelve years ago) link

in fact, to be more specific:

12: "My Conjugals Night"

Y.O. Mini (MarkG oo la showaddywaddy), Friday, 16 December 2011 09:01 (twelve years ago) link

13. the bits of will self's "dorian" that this woman has been live-tweeting: https://twitter.com/#!/santaevita/status/147456744992411648

c sharp major, Friday, 16 December 2011 10:37 (twelve years ago) link

14. "romping" as beloved of UK tabloids

degas-dirty monet (lex pretend), Friday, 16 December 2011 10:40 (twelve years ago) link

Pretty much all of them really

Derek Pringles (Deep in the Tony Hart land), Friday, 16 December 2011 10:46 (twelve years ago) link

15. Spurting all over the county of Limerick

Derek Pringles (Deep in the Tony Hart land), Friday, 16 December 2011 10:51 (twelve years ago) link

haha

lebateauivre, Friday, 16 December 2011 11:01 (twelve years ago) link

(I love "romping" as a euphemism for sex, it makes it sound so fun. Like maybe it involves wellies and jodhpurs and some brisk outdoor activity. But maybe that's just me.)

Thomosexual II (Fotherington Thomas), Friday, 16 December 2011 11:04 (twelve years ago) link

Don't mind romping, it's a bit "Tom Jones".

16. Shtupping

Derek Pringles (Deep in the Tony Hart land), Friday, 16 December 2011 11:06 (twelve years ago) link

The hairy welsh dude or the Georgian novel?

Thomosexual II (Fotherington Thomas), Friday, 16 December 2011 11:08 (twelve years ago) link

I like "porking". It's one of my most-used euphemisms for sex!

another suggestbanite (rusty flathead screwdriver), Friday, 16 December 2011 11:46 (twelve years ago) link

yeah to me 'romping' doesn't make it sound grotesque, more that it's practised by douchebags

Extreme Lifestyle, Friday, 16 December 2011 12:01 (twelve years ago) link

"Tossing salad" is one euphemism that actually manages to make the act seem less grotesque, conversely

if you ain't gonna wash it, i ain't gonna eat it, Friday, 16 December 2011 12:16 (twelve years ago) link

dunno, suddenly lettuce leaves are involved...

Y.O. Mini (MarkG oo la showaddywaddy), Friday, 16 December 2011 12:18 (twelve years ago) link

Oh god, I hate the "salad" one. It's not that it makes it more grotesque, just that it's completely absurd as a metaphor.

another suggestbanite (rusty flathead screwdriver), Friday, 16 December 2011 13:00 (twelve years ago) link

blappin

one pug (dealwithit.gif), Friday, 16 December 2011 13:28 (twelve years ago) link

rhythmic slapping

dylannnnnnnnn, Friday, 16 December 2011 13:46 (twelve years ago) link

No.6 is the winner here.

sir thermo of thinwall, Friday, 16 December 2011 14:01 (twelve years ago) link

bustin' a nut

William (C), Friday, 16 December 2011 14:08 (twelve years ago) link

jazzy sandbox

Never translate German (schlump), Friday, 16 December 2011 15:18 (twelve years ago) link

OK, I was wrong about "beast," forgot the context in Othello. Carry on.

Dr Morbius, Friday, 16 December 2011 15:30 (twelve years ago) link

rhythmic slapping

arrgh beaten to the punch

aesthetic partisan (Shakey Mo Collier), Saturday, 17 December 2011 00:19 (twelve years ago) link

bustin' a nut

― William (C), Friday, December 16, 2011 7:08 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Permalink

the sound of one hand blapping

nuhnuhnuh, Saturday, 17 December 2011 00:25 (twelve years ago) link

"frothy walrus"

if you ain't gonna wash it, i ain't gonna eat it, Saturday, 17 December 2011 14:20 (twelve years ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.