i think empire records might be the worst movie ever made

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Key words that come to mind include "tedium," "nausea," and "anxiety." Surely the worst film about music, and the worst soundtrack for a film about music.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:05 (seventeen years ago) link

You have seen two movies, and I claim my blah blah blah.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Closer
New Rose Hotel
Shakma
Zardoz
Unforgiven, the Audrey Hepburn one
the Audrey Hepburn one where she's a bird girl and Norman Perkins isn't
Psycho III
Halloween III
Scream III
Scary Movie III
Godfather III
Poltergeist III
Rad
That Charlie Brown dirtbike one

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:17 (seventeen years ago) link

This isn't even the worst Renee Zellweger movie!

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

scary movie 3 is a laff riot

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

and poltergeist 3 is pretty scary

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.netbroadcaster.com/new/trailers/images/roller_boogie.jpg

― Nu-Edward III (edward iii), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:21 (seventeen years ago) link

I am so glad Closer is at the top of that list.

Umm but yeah, I think we had a thread a while back on real-ILX where I opined that Empire Records is totally awesome, in a crap-movie way. I can totally understand the nausea reaction, but I don't entirely get the tedium or anxiety, or how they go together -- were they alternating?

Emire Records : My So-Called Life :: My So-Called Life : the rest of the world

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Poltergeist 3 had Tom Skeritt but also had Donna from Twin Peaks. When you throw non-Robocop Nancy Allen into that, you're in the sub-Empire Records zone.

xp; I hate hate hate Closer, it's always gonna top the list. I almost put Domino in, except I get why people like Domino, sort of.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:31 (seventeen years ago) link

ebert liked psycho 3

― and what (ooo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:31 (seventeen years ago) link

which one was the charlie brown dirtbike one?

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:38 (seventeen years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6304090900.01._AA280_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:44 (seventeen years ago) link

knock rad at your peril kemo sabe

― ogo (gcannon), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:45 (seventeen years ago) link

ick. they never really learned how to write a feature-length peanuts special, did they.

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:46 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm just happy someone else has SEEN new rose hotel!! so so painful. (i think this came up a long time ago on ilx already)

― ogo (gcannon), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:46 (seventeen years ago) link

The only bad thing about Empire Records is Liv Tyler, really. and she's pretty, so it's not that bad.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:48 (seventeen years ago) link

knock rad at your peril kemo sabe

That is the weirdest looking sentence.

If I'm gonna watch a Lori Loughlin movie, it's gonna be Back to the Beach.

xp; New Rose Hotel is SO BAD. It's bad in a way most of these movies aren't: it's not that it's lame or a pale echo of an earlier movie or etc., it's just a straight-up mess by people who've shown competence in other movies. And it's not laugh-out-loud bad like Zardoz, which is actually pretty awesome.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:50 (seventeen years ago) link

I only saw it last night for the first time, and it was one of those experiences I just wanted to end the entire time I was watching.. like when you're at work at 3:45PM on a Friday and you just can't wait for it to be done and over with.

It's true that I have not seen enough movies, although Empire Records was not worse than The Faculty, so I take back my initial statement.

So I'm guessing the worst Renee Zellweger movie is the one with Chris O'Donnell and Artie Lange, which I have also not seen. But I did see Cold Mountain which I also did not like, and I totally don't get why she won an Oscar for it, as I was annoyed by almost every scene she was in.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 20:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Didn't she go undercover as a Hasidic Jew or something? (I didn't see the movie. I would love to be wrong.) I figure that's probably her worst. It's all been downhill since Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:00 (seventeen years ago) link

part of why Empire Records is great is that Renee Zellweger is not annoying at all in it. it's a miracle.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:00 (seventeen years ago) link

It was so frustrating watching Slater from Dazed and Confused being not Slater.

― nklshs (nklshs), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:02 (seventeen years ago) link

I especially hated whenever the dude from Can't Hardly Wait who was in the GWAR video would speak directly into the camera.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:04 (seventeen years ago) link

but Slater from Dazed and Confused (Rory Cochrane) is adorable in Empire Records!

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah wait, Rory Cochrane is the best thing about this movie!

(horseshoe possibly otm re: Zellweger, too. If nothing else, she's the least annoying female employee in the movie.)

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I enjoyed him but kept expecting a "check ya later" or something.

― nklshs (nklshs), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:08 (seventeen years ago) link

he has RANGE, nick!

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:09 (seventeen years ago) link

She was annoying whenever she spoke into that intercom thingy.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

FALSE!

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:12 (seventeen years ago) link

this was one of the biggest sleepover/birthday party movies when i was a youngster. i was never into it but thought it was a critically acclaimed alternative classic until like last year

― A B C (sparklecock), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:28 (seventeen years ago) link

THAT'S JUST WHAT COOL PEOPLE WERE LIKE IN THE 90s
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:29 (seventeen years ago) link

# Many of the stars would later go on to appear in Jerry Bruckheimer's CBS crime dramas. Rory Cochrane would star as Tim Speedle on CSI: Miami, Anthony LaPaglia would star as Jack Malone in Without a Trace and Johnny Whitworth would land a guest appearance on Cold Case and then a recurring role on CSI: Miami, though he made his appearances years after Cochrane had already left the show. Debi Mazar would also guest star on CSI: Miami.

# Robin Tunney's character has a horizontal suicide-attempt scar on her wrist. In The Craft, her character bears vertical suicide-attempt scars.

# At the time this movie was made, Coyote Shivers was married to Bebe Buell, which made him the step-father of co-star Liv Tyler.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:36 (seventeen years ago) link

I keep saying that Craig Finn sounds like Coyote Shivers, but no one else will back me on that.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:37 (seventeen years ago) link

The Sunshine Boys is so the worst movie of all time.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 21:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Zellwegger's big song near the end is pretty awesome.

― milo (milo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Zellwegger's big song near the end is ~~pretty awesome~~ probably my least favorite "rock band" scene of any movie ever made.

I think I watched this movie and Niagara Niagara for the first time in the same week, I was so in love with R-Tun, OMG.

― nklshs (nklshs), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:05 (seventeen years ago) link

my least favorite "rock band" scene of any movie ever made

Is Coyote Ugly excused because it's not a band?

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:14 (seventeen years ago) link

How can you hate "Sugar High"?

― milo (milo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:16 (seventeen years ago) link

no youtube clip for this exchange:
Debra: No visible tattoos.
Gina: No revealing clothing.
Debra: We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.
Gina: Now Debra, don't be bitter. Certainly with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi food camp make-over; the boys will come a runnin'
Debra: Let's not fight, let's just rip.

― milo (milo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:19 (seventeen years ago) link

"Let's not fight, let's just rip" should have been the rallying cry of a generation.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:20 (seventeen years ago) link

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/070819/070219_britney_vlrg_6a.widec.jpg

― Rick Gibralter (grady), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Damn the man.

― milo (milo), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:21 (seventeen years ago) link

you know, it's the delivery of "the boys will come a-runnin'!" that makes me love Zellweger in this movie.

who knew I couldn't shut up about Empire Records?

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:22 (seventeen years ago) link

My ex saw this movie for the first time a year ago, the day before we split up, and couldn't for the life of her figure out why the rest of us had been quoting it all the time. She was actually kind of pissed at me, like I had oversold the quotability of "my name's not fucking Warren."

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:26 (seventeen years ago) link

I think you need to watch it twice to not find it irritating but the second time it becomes AMAZING. it has its own bad-but-great-movie logic

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:30 (seventeen years ago) link

That's what I told her, that it was one of those movies that was completely forgettable for me until I realized I was stopping on it whenever it was rerunning on TBS, because the things that work are very rewatchable, especially piecemeal. That doesn't translate well to a decade-delayed first viewing.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Liv, so hot in this.

― JordanC (JordanC), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:36 (seventeen years ago) link

yes, but she should never speak.

Tep, I hate Closer too, therefore I declare you right about everything.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:38 (seventeen years ago) link

also, the ER viewing experience is optimally not end-directed. like, if your ex-gf was watching it to see what happened in the end, she would necessarily be disappointed. it's an accumulation of great, wtf moments.

it doesn't make much linear sense even? and has a wildly uneven tone? I remember being horribly confused by the Tunney faux-funeral the first time I saw it.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, there's a lot of noise. It's all ears and tails without actually adding up to an elephant. That's why it's well-suited to watching a middle half-hour while waiting for something else to come on, that kind of thing.

I was in college when it came out, had already moved out of the dorms, was about to drop out, etc., which is probably a very different place to be than if I'd been in high school ("let's not fight, let's just rip" markered all over my math book!) or my late 20s. I mean, I guess that's true for any movie, but it seems like it might be more true for this one.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Tep, I hate Closer too, therefore I declare you right about everything.

I'm gonna count this as backing me on the Craig Finn thing. FINALLY.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 22:46 (seventeen years ago) link

This is also one of the movies I think about when I think, "You know, I'm not quite 32, it is very possible that any given popular movie I have seen up to this point in my life will be remade in my lifetime."

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 21 February 2007 23:01 (seventeen years ago) link

I don't think I really appreciated ER until the first time I saw it stoned. It really is the ultimate stoner movie - it makes more sense if you're not quite paying full attention to it.

― milo (milo), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:03 (seventeen years ago) link

That's why it's well-suited to watching a middle half-hour while waiting for something else to come on, that kind of thing.
See also: Rounders, Finding Forrester

― milo (milo), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh man, definitely Rounders. And any quasi-episodic comedy -- Blues Brothers, Eurotrip, Dude Where's My Car, Harold and Kumar, Ferris Bueller, etc.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:07 (seventeen years ago) link

"Blues Brothers, Eurotrip, Dude Where's My Car, Harold and Kumar, Ferris Bueller"

wtf all these movies are great! well okay I haven't seen Eurotrip but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt...

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh no no, they're great, I just mean they're good for watching just a few scenes of them if you happen to see that they're on while you're flipping through channels.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:10 (seventeen years ago) link

they ran this movie on the dorm tv movie channel too many fucking times during sophomore year.

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Thursday, 22 February 2007 00:13 (seventeen years ago) link

I think you need to watch it twice to not find it irritating but the second time it becomes AMAZING. it has its own bad-but-great-movie logic

This is word for word OTM! I had no use for it after seeing it the first time, but for whatever reason I watched it a second time a year or so later and it turned out to be grebt!

― Johnny Fever (johnnyfever), Thursday, 22 February 2007 02:10 (seventeen years ago) link

garage days is the worst "rock band" movie of all time. absolutely the worst.

― esoj@w3rk (esoj@w3rk), Thursday, 22 February 2007 02:12 (seventeen years ago) link

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.