Stock characters for modern-day Christian parables

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1. The atheist professor

― step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

2. Dead hookers

― unfished business (Scourage), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

3. The Gay Agenda

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:08 (nineteen years ago)

4. Hippies (still, amazingly)

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:09 (nineteen years ago)

5. The Judiciary

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:09 (nineteen years ago)

6. The closeted preacher

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

7. The Islamofascist

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

8. Sinning Truck Driver

9. Saved Truck Driver

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:12 (nineteen years ago)

10. Jewish Hollywood movie producer

― The PEW Research Center for Panty-Twisting (Rock Hardy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:15 (nineteen years ago)

11. Satanists (yes, still!)

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

12. Hispanic Catholic praying to Mary.

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

13. Foolish virgin cheerleader.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:20 (nineteen years ago)

14. BEHOLD, THE ATHIEST'S NIGHTMARE:
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/5700/banana3rh.jpg

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:21 (nineteen years ago)

(EI)

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:22 (nineteen years ago)

15. Pope, laughing, w/satan's hand on shoulder

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:36 (nineteen years ago)

That shit's at least 17th century.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

you gotta respect those who came before

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:43 (nineteen years ago)

shout out to all the original blood libellers

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

My people have a long, honourable history of hating on the Papishes.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:45 (nineteen years ago)

so basically we're just summarizing Jack Chick here

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:51 (nineteen years ago)

16. ugly bespectacled(& occasionally bemulleted) radical lesbian feminists

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:52 (nineteen years ago)

~~6. The closeted preacher~~

PRIEST usually

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

lolz @ "bemulleted"

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

17. The long-suffering but pure of heart Christian child

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

18. Roleplaying goth teens who are into witchcraft for real.

― Chap (chap), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

19. East European despot who looks like Dennis Quaid.

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

20. Ugly babies with sunglasses or wrapped in swaddling-like material

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 18:28 (nineteen years ago)

21. hilariously naive young adults
22. cherubic minority children

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

23. An atheist, met by the preacher in an airport, or after a speaking engagement, who says that it isn't that he can't believe in God, it's that he won't believe in God !!! (because of lifestyle choices or weakness or whatever)

I have heard this tale from multiple religious speakers/writers, related as a personal experience.

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 18:40 (nineteen years ago)

24. UN leaders

― a.b. (abanana), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:59 (nineteen years ago)

25. moronic clueless everyman "HOW DO I SHOT COMMANDMENTS WHEN KIDS NEED SHOES"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:22 (nineteen years ago)

^ lol

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:29 (nineteen years ago)

26. Singer in Hair Metal band who laughs at his fans who foolishly condemn themselves to Hell.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

27. Mechanical Man who thinks he has a soul

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:33 (nineteen years ago)

28. unborn fetus

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:33 (nineteen years ago)

29. Woman who says "But I go to Church every Sunday. Isn't that enough?"

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:34 (nineteen years ago)

30. single mother (likelihood of unwhiteliness - 85%)

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

29b. catholic who performs good works but goes to hell anyway

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:38 (nineteen years ago)

31. teenagers who do not know how cool jesus is (yet)

― Slump Man (Slumpman), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:38 (nineteen years ago)

29c. while the Pope laughs at him

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:39 (nineteen years ago)

32. The wayward sinner who is saved by this tripe: http://www.geocities.com/calvinistic/are_you_a_sinner.html

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 21:40 (nineteen years ago)

Ned Flanders

― kv_nol (kv_nol), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

42. The woman who wants it all

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

42b. has an answer to ever straw man "bbbbbut what about"

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

Can we do old Christian parables too

if so

43. Hard nosed member of whatever races Christians at the time reviled turns out not to actually be a total and utter fuckwad

43b. Disbelieving everyman "b-b-b-b-ut he is A PHARISEE, THEY ABUSE CHILDREN FOR BREAKFAST CHRIST, SURELY YOU WANT TO DRINK WINE WITH ME, I AM A GREAT GUY"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

44. "Jesus sons gang of disciples jostling for his approval with uber-holiness "no, it is he who DOESN'T ride his mule to market on the third day who shall inherit god's kingdom" apostles:"oh no he didn't!"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:06 (nineteen years ago)

45. Bill Clinton

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:10 (nineteen years ago)

46. Convenience Store Clerks

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:11 (nineteen years ago)

(Old Skool)

47. Major pisshead and serial shagger who repents at last minute and gets VIP pass to Heaven whilst boring pious bloke has to stand outside in the queue.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:26 (nineteen years ago)

47b. Harvey Keitel naked

― a.b. (abanana), Friday, 16 February 2007 23:38 (nineteen years ago)

48. Person so blinded by scientists they believe we came from monkeys despite being completely UNABLE TO EXPLAIN why we don't see fish starting to walk today.

― stet (stet), Friday, 16 February 2007 23:45 (nineteen years ago)

49. HEATHEN: I do not believe in the Bible.
CHRISTIAN: Ah, but this bit in the Bible says you must believe in the Bible.
HEATHEN: Oh my God, I was wrong, I accept Jesus into my life! (cue tears of joy)

― Chap (chap), Saturday, 17 February 2007 00:52 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.reversespins.com/pvf2.jpg

― mattp (mattp), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:20 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/02_02/EquusRadcliffe_468x577.jpg

― bliss (blass), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:25 (nineteen years ago)

50. beardo house jesus

― Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone (kenan), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:27 (nineteen years ago)

thank you for that, fluxion.

made my day.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver (hoosteen), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:58 (nineteen years ago)

why is his lower back not tanned?

― step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Saturday, 17 February 2007 03:21 (nineteen years ago)

His tan is not from the sun, but from the SPIRIT OF THE LORD, which doesn't go anywhere near the arse as a matter of principle.

― Chap (chap), Saturday, 17 February 2007 03:28 (nineteen years ago)

this explains tan lines everywhere

― Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone (kenan), Saturday, 17 February 2007 07:18 (nineteen years ago)

51. The Drug Dealer!

― Zachary Scott (Zachary S), Saturday, 17 February 2007 18:41 (nineteen years ago)

52. the poor diseased black gay otherwise oppressed person who turns out to be JESUS IN DISGUISE/the least of his brothers/children (come on, the classics live on!)

― Maria e (Maria), Saturday, 17 February 2007 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

53. The last written essay/school project/poem of a child that died young, thanking jesus for all the wonderful things in the world and that.

I used to get that sort of stuff from a colleague as a matter of course every 3 months or so as a 'mass mailing', but was too polite to return them with 'unsubscribe' ...

― M Grout (Mark Grout), Sunday, 18 February 2007 00:39 (nineteen years ago)

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