Stock characters for modern-day Christian parables

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1. The atheist professor

― step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:04 (seventeen years ago) link

2. Dead hookers

― unfished business (Scourage), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:07 (seventeen years ago) link

3. The Gay Agenda

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:08 (seventeen years ago) link

4. Hippies (still, amazingly)

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

5. The Judiciary

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:09 (seventeen years ago) link

6. The closeted preacher

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:10 (seventeen years ago) link

7. The Islamofascist

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:11 (seventeen years ago) link

8. Sinning Truck Driver

9. Saved Truck Driver

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:12 (seventeen years ago) link

10. Jewish Hollywood movie producer

― The PEW Research Center for Panty-Twisting (Rock Hardy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:15 (seventeen years ago) link

11. Satanists (yes, still!)

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:19 (seventeen years ago) link

12. Hispanic Catholic praying to Mary.

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:19 (seventeen years ago) link

13. Foolish virgin cheerleader.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:20 (seventeen years ago) link

14. BEHOLD, THE ATHIEST'S NIGHTMARE:
http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/5700/banana3rh.jpg

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:21 (seventeen years ago) link

(EI)

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 17:22 (seventeen years ago) link

15. Pope, laughing, w/satan's hand on shoulder

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:36 (seventeen years ago) link

That shit's at least 17th century.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:38 (seventeen years ago) link

you gotta respect those who came before

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:43 (seventeen years ago) link

shout out to all the original blood libellers

― Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout (bernard snowy), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:44 (seventeen years ago) link

My people have a long, honourable history of hating on the Papishes.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:45 (seventeen years ago) link

so basically we're just summarizing Jack Chick here

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:51 (seventeen years ago) link

16. ugly bespectacled(& occasionally bemulleted) radical lesbian feminists

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:52 (seventeen years ago) link

~~6. The closeted preacher~~

PRIEST usually

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:57 (seventeen years ago) link

lolz @ "bemulleted"

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:58 (seventeen years ago) link

17. The long-suffering but pure of heart Christian child

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 16 February 2007 17:59 (seventeen years ago) link

18. Roleplaying goth teens who are into witchcraft for real.

― Chap (chap), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:02 (seventeen years ago) link

19. East European despot who looks like Dennis Quaid.

― PPlains (PPlains), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:08 (seventeen years ago) link

20. Ugly babies with sunglasses or wrapped in swaddling-like material

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 18:28 (seventeen years ago) link

21. hilariously naive young adults
22. cherubic minority children

― they be stealin' kingfish's bucket (kingfish), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:29 (seventeen years ago) link

23. An atheist, met by the preacher in an airport, or after a speaking engagement, who says that it isn't that he can't believe in God, it's that he won't believe in God !!! (because of lifestyle choices or weakness or whatever)

I have heard this tale from multiple religious speakers/writers, related as a personal experience.

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 18:40 (seventeen years ago) link

24. UN leaders

― a.b. (abanana), Friday, 16 February 2007 18:59 (seventeen years ago) link

25. moronic clueless everyman "HOW DO I SHOT COMMANDMENTS WHEN KIDS NEED SHOES"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:22 (seventeen years ago) link

^ lol

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:29 (seventeen years ago) link

26. Singer in Hair Metal band who laughs at his fans who foolishly condemn themselves to Hell.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:32 (seventeen years ago) link

27. Mechanical Man who thinks he has a soul

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:33 (seventeen years ago) link

28. unborn fetus

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:33 (seventeen years ago) link

29. Woman who says "But I go to Church every Sunday. Isn't that enough?"

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:34 (seventeen years ago) link

30. single mother (likelihood of unwhiteliness - 85%)

― nklshs (nklshs), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:35 (seventeen years ago) link

29b. catholic who performs good works but goes to hell anyway

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:38 (seventeen years ago) link

31. teenagers who do not know how cool jesus is (yet)

― Slump Man (Slumpman), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:38 (seventeen years ago) link

29c. while the Pope laughs at him

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:39 (seventeen years ago) link

32. The wayward sinner who is saved by this tripe: http://www.geocities.com/calvinistic/are_you_a_sinner.html

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 21:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Ned Flanders

― kv_nol (kv_nol), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago) link

42. The woman who wants it all

― After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rain, Friday, 16 February 2007 21:43 (seventeen years ago) link

42b. has an answer to ever straw man "bbbbbut what about"

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 16 February 2007 21:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Can we do old Christian parables too

if so

43. Hard nosed member of whatever races Christians at the time reviled turns out not to actually be a total and utter fuckwad

43b. Disbelieving everyman "b-b-b-b-ut he is A PHARISEE, THEY ABUSE CHILDREN FOR BREAKFAST CHRIST, SURELY YOU WANT TO DRINK WINE WITH ME, I AM A GREAT GUY"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:04 (seventeen years ago) link

44. "Jesus sons gang of disciples jostling for his approval with uber-holiness "no, it is he who DOESN'T ride his mule to market on the third day who shall inherit god's kingdom" apostles:"oh no he didn't!"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:06 (seventeen years ago) link

45. Bill Clinton

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:10 (seventeen years ago) link

46. Convenience Store Clerks

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:11 (seventeen years ago) link

(Old Skool)

47. Major pisshead and serial shagger who repents at last minute and gets VIP pass to Heaven whilst boring pious bloke has to stand outside in the queue.

― It's Expected I'm Maud Gonne (Modal Fugue), Friday, 16 February 2007 22:26 (seventeen years ago) link

47b. Harvey Keitel naked

― a.b. (abanana), Friday, 16 February 2007 23:38 (seventeen years ago) link

48. Person so blinded by scientists they believe we came from monkeys despite being completely UNABLE TO EXPLAIN why we don't see fish starting to walk today.

― stet (stet), Friday, 16 February 2007 23:45 (seventeen years ago) link

49. HEATHEN: I do not believe in the Bible.
CHRISTIAN: Ah, but this bit in the Bible says you must believe in the Bible.
HEATHEN: Oh my God, I was wrong, I accept Jesus into my life! (cue tears of joy)

― Chap (chap), Saturday, 17 February 2007 00:52 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.reversespins.com/pvf2.jpg

― mattp (mattp), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:20 (seventeen years ago) link

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/02_02/EquusRadcliffe_468x577.jpg

― bliss (blass), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:25 (seventeen years ago) link

50. beardo house jesus

― Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone (kenan), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:27 (seventeen years ago) link

thank you for that, fluxion.

made my day.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver (hoosteen), Saturday, 17 February 2007 02:58 (seventeen years ago) link

why is his lower back not tanned?

― step hen faps (Curt1s Stephens), Saturday, 17 February 2007 03:21 (seventeen years ago) link

His tan is not from the sun, but from the SPIRIT OF THE LORD, which doesn't go anywhere near the arse as a matter of principle.

― Chap (chap), Saturday, 17 February 2007 03:28 (seventeen years ago) link

this explains tan lines everywhere

― Dethrone the dictaphone, hit it in it's funny bone (kenan), Saturday, 17 February 2007 07:18 (seventeen years ago) link

51. The Drug Dealer!

― Zachary Scott (Zachary S), Saturday, 17 February 2007 18:41 (seventeen years ago) link

52. the poor diseased black gay otherwise oppressed person who turns out to be JESUS IN DISGUISE/the least of his brothers/children (come on, the classics live on!)

― Maria e (Maria), Saturday, 17 February 2007 20:49 (seventeen years ago) link

53. The last written essay/school project/poem of a child that died young, thanking jesus for all the wonderful things in the world and that.

I used to get that sort of stuff from a colleague as a matter of course every 3 months or so as a 'mass mailing', but was too polite to return them with 'unsubscribe' ...

― M Grout (Mark Grout), Sunday, 18 February 2007 00:39 (seventeen years ago) link

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