~~~SANDBOX 77~~~

I picked up on the spoonerism.

Aimless, I must have you mistaken with someone. But who? A former Chicagoan, that I know.

oh, spacecadet, i did not realise who you were! mostly cos i thought yr sbox username was "casa spudette".

I know one ILX dude who respects boundaries by not posting here even though it kills him. (Hi!!! You rock, ILX dude! xoxo)

― wore glasses and said things (thejenny), Tuesday, December 27, 2011 5:01 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

MY FUCKING FINGERS WERE FLIPPING OUT WHEN I READ THIS. I WAS LIKE ME! ME! IT'S MEEEEE!!!!!

The were previously flipping out when I read Jagweed Holland's posts.

I don't think it was you.

I made a thread.
Girls thread cont.

Oops, not that one.

Re girls only

This is getting messy.

It wasn't you specifically, although you (and Jeff) also deserve credit for your boundary respecting skillz.

Oh. I bet I know who it was.

Jenny, I think you're posting from the toilet.

oh, spacecadet, i did not realise who you were!

― paid, famous and sad (c sharp major), Tuesday, December 27, 2011 10:17 PM (59 minutes ago)

same

i thought of 'a spassing basscadet' a while ago, too

Jenny, I think you're posting from the toilet.

My cube at work but there are definitely similarities.

-just heard journey's don't stop believin on a chinese 'you've got talent!' show

wish the sandbox had a don't stop believin thread

I dunno why I used 'journey' there everybody already knows

On mah holidays, had every intent today of going to the plant nursery for some more supplies. So far have sat on couch eating xmas leftovers sandwiches, its now lunchtime and Ive done nowt. Gar.

everybody already knows

some of us are slow on the uptake

Burned trash in the burn pit (yes, I'm that far out in the country) and got a few large items ready to sell at the flea market tomorrow. We're hoping to get enough money to pay a bill or two and maybe some champagne for New Year's.

We had a burn pit when I was growing up but we called it a "sump hole."

Aimless, I must have you mistaken with someone. But who? A former Chicagoan, that I know.

Amateurist?

Yes, that's him.

We had a burn barrel. That was awesome as a kid bc we would blow up aerosol cans. And it was fun to hold a burning plastic bottle on a stick - the molten plastic dripped off with a thrilling zzzripp sound. All fun and games until a glob of melting Downy jug landed on the back of my hand.

Last night I broke up with a girl I was planning to marry, all because I don't think I want to be married...to anyone ever. Now I'm having regrets, but I'm 99.9% certain I did the right thing now before we starting throwing a bunch of money into planning and one of us relocates to where the other one lives. The bad part is that I'm at work right now and she's sitting at home in my apartment probably either steaming mad or crying her eyes out and nothing I can say or do will make this any better and her plane ticket home isn't until next Tuesday morning and she doesn't (and I don't) have the money to change her flight to an earlier date and...FUCK...I can't communicate with her with any semblance of forethought or compassion. I just blurted it out because I knew it was now or never and I'm a fucking asshole.

i'm really sorry, johnny.

woah! i thought this girl was 'the one'? is it a about the actual marriage part or the lifetime commitment? (sorry, nosy)

and i'm sorry you have to be at work right now, with that going on at home. that's really difficult. you'll get through this (and so will she).

omg! wow. you're not an asshole.

She just texted me that she's booked an 8am flight for tomorrow, her one friend in Atlanta is coming to pick her up, and I'll never see her again.

WTF I AM A LIFE RUINER

you are not a life ruiner

what you did was probably the right thing for you, and you trusted yourself to know that...right? you don't seem like an impetuous person or someone who does things for attention/drama queening.

ehhh i don't think you are an asshole for choosing not-ruining your own life over someone else's - and if you'd gone ahead with things, even though you weren't feeling right about it, just bc you knew it was what she wanted, you would have ended up actually ruining her life way more.

You're not a life ruiner. Winter holiday ruiner at maximum, but sometimes that can't be helped.

yeah, from the little that i know, it sounds like you did a good thing, jf - you did something that's hard and painful now because it will make both of you happier in the long run.

Also I am relieved for both of you that she changed her flight. Her sticking around until Tues would have done neither of you any good. Shit, it made me tense up with empathetic anxiety and I don't even know you.

Aw shit, JF. I'm so sorry. But yeah, it sounds like you did the right thing to spare the most emotional (and financial) upheaval in the long run.

i don't think you are an asshole for choosing not-ruining your own life over someone else's - and if you'd gone ahead with things, even though you weren't feeling right about it, just bc you knew it was what she wanted, you would have ended up actually ruining her life way more.

This is OTM.

and merciful too

I broke up with a girl I was planning to marry

The two halves of that sentence don't carry equal weight. :(

I am sorry for the deep hurt and horrid mess that this sentence necessarily implies. But unless you enter a marriage with a strong foundation of optimism and enthusiasm, the chances it will work well are very slim - at best.

The only good word I can say about all the guilt and sorrow you are likely to be feeling today is that you will certainly never make this mistake again, and you are absolutely correct in your belief that, while this outcome was pretty wretched, it was preferable to almost any of the alternatives.

Don't worry yourself to death, tho. You'll get over it. :-)

She just texted me that she's booked an 8am flight for tomorrow, her one friend in Atlanta is coming to pick her up, and I'll never see her again.

I'm so sorry about this, I know how LDRs can be when they go bad and it's very hurtful.

One caution is not to confuse grief with sentimentality, though, because when you're apart you spend a lot of time getting really intense about a *possibility*, and giving up the possibility is so much harder than not seeing a person again. It didn't work out, you can grieve for that in later days (and sometimes you surprise yourself by not feeling any grief at all). But the emotional-level panic that comes from FEAR that you made a bad choice and now you can't take it back...tell that to fuck off. You made the right choice.

I ended up coming home and waiting with her for her friend to arrive. It was mostly in silence, uncomfortable heavy silence. The few times words were spoken, they were defensive, bruised heart, and sorrowful words...by both of us, but mostly by her. She just walked out my door two minutes ago and we said a polite goodbye to each other. Now I feel like I've just been crushed by a piano.

so sorry, dude :(

But the emotional-level panic that comes from FEAR that you made a bad choice and now you can't take it back...tell that to fuck off. You made the right choice.

this is OTM and I need to remind myself of this more often tbh.

JF you're an A+++ awesome dude and you did what needed to be done - totally not a life ruiner.

thanks friends. I still feel like shit, but I'm confident the right thing just happened.

Aren't you glad you didn't move to San Diego?

Or quit your AWESOME JOB?

Considering that's where it was headed a few months down the road, yes. Very much yes.

I was a little worried for you, tbh.

Not a lot, just a little.

I'm most comfortable being alone, I think. Not in a sad pitiful way. I just enjoy not having obligations or responsibilities or having to keep another person satisfied and happy and being able to do what I want when I want. I realize this isn't an admirable trait, and I thought she might be the one snap me out of it, but it clearly wasn't going to happen.

Really, I'm an asshole tbh. And I feel like one. But each of my past few relationships has taught me a few things that are important to know (about myself) for future reference. Unfortunately, I had to be the one to break another person's heart this time instead of someone breaking mine.

I just enjoy not having obligations or responsibilities or having to keep another person satisfied and happy and being able to do what I want when I want.

STOP LIVING ALL OVER MY LIFE, BRO. This isn't admirable or not-admirable, imo, it's just a time when this is how you/I/people feel. And I believe it's harmful to think that being the opposite way is some kind of moral good, cos the implied guilt can throw you off your game in terms of trusting yrself and yr instincts.

But luckily you were on top of your instincts today and that's good! Live through it and feel it and everything, but don't beat yourself up? Just a request.