fair ladies are like coupons for Burger King, often portenting a ring in the alcove
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:27 (twelve years ago) link
many is the heart which pineth after a Dove Bar, few are the chocolateers willing to suck soap
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:28 (twelve years ago) link
when a man visits your house clutching a jar of Vlasic Pickles to his bosom, best to burn any unsorted laundry posthaste
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:30 (twelve years ago) link
when your Rice-a-Roni begins to boil, consider a move to Detroit
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:31 (twelve years ago) link
a man without slippers may lie contentedly forever. a man without a subscription to Vanity Fair will fail to elicit hugs even from his undertaker
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:33 (twelve years ago) link
a Belorussian playing football is like a pagan turning water into Gatorade; only the gnashing of teeth can follow
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:35 (twelve years ago) link
when in the vicinity of a Wendy's Restaurant, best to pocket one's sherbet
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:37 (twelve years ago) link
why pine for McDonald's french fries, when there are children in El Dorado with no 7-11 Taquitos?
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:39 (twelve years ago) link
in the event of Pomeranians, best to urinate outside of a Motel 6
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:41 (twelve years ago) link
there are two virtues to defecating in a Sbarro's pizza. neither of them involve anchovies
counting tampons before menstruating is like petting an igloo during a heat wave-- neither will fatten your wallet or bring gladness to your heart
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:43 (twelve years ago) link
there are only three things that would-be bartenders love more than promotional coasters-- upended swizzle sticks, henna tattoos and the Delaware state lottery
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:46 (twelve years ago) link
if you meet an Udmurt on the way to the carwash, best to put down one's fruit basket and undo one's buttons
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:51 (twelve years ago) link
15 years ago the swiftest road to misery was living in a luxury apt. building employing a concierge who moonlights as a Jay Leon impersonator. nowadays it is having Arsenio Hall as your houseguest for a month
― dell, Thursday, 15 December 2011 18:57 (twelve years ago) link
Scattered are the remants of tuesday's ghost
― CaptainBurlapSax, Monday, 19 December 2011 03:53 (twelve years ago) link
Until you beat your chest to the rhythm of the snow queen don't shave your legs
― CaptainBurlapSax, Monday, 19 December 2011 04:13 (twelve years ago) link
ran adrift the reign of Thunder Balls
― CaptainBurlapSax, Monday, 19 December 2011 04:28 (twelve years ago) link
if you haven't been in a magazine, then you can't tell me anything about the law
― Z S, Monday, 19 December 2011 04:38 (twelve years ago) link
Near a tree by a river there's a hole in the groundWhere an old man of Aran goes around and aroundAnd his mind is a beacon in the veil of the nightFor a strange kind of fashion there's a wrong and a rightBut he'll never, never fight over you
― ledge, Monday, 19 December 2011 09:42 (twelve years ago) link
Ears are windows to the heart.
― Billy Dods, Monday, 19 December 2011 11:41 (twelve years ago) link
Whipping shitties in the field is sure to grow next autumn's yield.
― another suggestbanite (rusty flathead screwdriver), Monday, 19 December 2011 11:47 (twelve years ago) link
you can't read the leaves in a teabag
― bloating forecast: ruff swells (p much resigned to deems), Monday, 19 December 2011 14:20 (twelve years ago) link