Sandbox suicide thread

man if letting yr five y/o nephew choose yr ilx sandbox display name isnt proof that existence is fundamentally worthwhile im not sure what to say

i joke but there is so much beauty joy and just intese reality in the world, and its available to all of us, and the bad times too they are worthwhile

i have a friend whos father tried to kill himself before she was born, and shes an beautiful person, and her father lived a long and fulfilling life

before she was conceived that should read

i have another friend who did kill himself and it was the most pointless horrible bullshit, and so many people miss him

I just want to pop in and say that both emil.y and Fotherington Thomas are people I greatly admire & respect, and I think the Universe is far richer because of their goings-about.

― Adrien Brony (step hen faps), Friday, 9 December 2011 10:32 (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

Damn right.

I just want to pop in and say that both emil.y and Fotherington Thomas are people I greatly admire & respect, and I think the Universe is far richer because of their goings-about.

― Adrien Brony (step hen faps), Friday, 9 December 2011 10:32 (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Permalink

yes.

I dunno, I try to read whatever it is Aero or JJJ say and it's like trying to read alien script from another planet.

...

There is this pervasive myth among super-cerebral brainy types (and I know that emil.y will snort at the idea of being called a brainy type but you fucking well are) that there is some kind of GNOSIS, some kind of formula or logic function or philosophy that will make everything suddenly make sense, like a-ha, you have finally completed the crossword puzzle. And we spend our lives searching for this like we're searching for the grail.

And there just isn't, and I sometimes think that the belief in it is more damaging than anything else. Because it doesn't exist. There is only this:

-Stay connected to the ppl that care about you
-Spend time appreciating nature
-GROK and express gratitude for the little you have
-Take care of yr brain's meat case - eat, sleep and exercise right

There is nothing else. You can throw scraps into the void. I can be all "hey look, this Japanese art collective has knitted a working Buchla with actual Nyancats for oscillators and are recording a synaesthia symphony for the colour brown" or you can tell me "a Brazillian paparazzi has photographed Thom Yorke engaging in actual felatio with the Aphex Twin while swimming through a sea arch" but it's just that. Throwing scraps into the void.

There is only the Indra's Net of connections. I think every human being has the right to sever themselves from that Net if the conditions of their life become unbearable - to force someone to continue under conditions they find intolerable is pretty much the dictionary definition of human bondage. But to try to pretend that there is something *other* than Indra's Net or that the Indra's Net is not *the* important thing rather than a useless acoutrement to be philosophically explained away.

This is just shouting into the void so I'll shut up.

<3 FT

the pointlessness is the point. truth.

FT you are terrific & I miss you when you're not around. I am going to listen to 1967 Stones to think of you.

Regarding "what's the purpose of life": we are organizers. There are things in this world & we serve to organize them, to make them manifest, to make them intelligible. & you can ask again, why do we do that? & I say: we do that for them, that is our place, to give those stones thoughts, what they long to have but cannot as it is not their place. Well, Rilke put it better in the Ninth Elegy:

These things that live upon
the gesture of farewell know
full well when they are praised:
dwindling away, they demand rescue!
And, that, through us-
the most dwindling of all!
They desire that we change them,
whole, within our invisible hearts;
transform them endlessly, Ah!...
into ourselves.
Whomever we are to be.

Hey, you big dorks. I think you're both awesome, and I'm glad you're here. emily, I tell you that all the time, but FT, I don't know if I tell you that enough. Thank you for the bits of yourself that you give us and show us.

reading this thread made me really sad and i don't know you well enough to give advice i know will be helpful, but i hope you do not give up/have not given up on trying talk therapy and medicine. there are a lot of different treatments, some of them don't work, but you might eventually hit on something that helps you.

reading "feeling good" by david burns was a good step for me - i did not end up following the exercises all that closely but it did make me better at identifying that i was depressed and more receptive to seeking treatment. i've made a lot of progress with therapy and medication over the last year and i would not really have thought it possible before (i HATED therapists, i was SURE they couldn't help me). different people react differently to things and i don't want to come off like i think i really know the answer, but opening myself up to the IDEA that there might be help was REALLY extra hard to do when i was depressed, but things did start to slowly get better after i did that.

I think every human being has the right to sever themselves from that Net if the conditions of their life become unbearable

No argument with you there, FT. I am impressed with the depth both of your courage and your love for your mother (which I hope doesn't sound mawkish - there's no other way to describe it accurately.) You are quite otm in identifying these as the powerful counter-forces that may hold in check the forces of death and despair. I encourage you t hold out as long as you can, to the last gasp and last dregs, but I will never fault you as a poor custodian of your gifts.

I will get shit for posting this, I'm sure.

Not coming true so far.

the thing about ending a life, is that so very few suicides are a euthanasia, an ending when all other possibilities are run out. most are just a murder, with the worst thoughts and tendencies snuffing out the greatness of a person way too soon