thumbsucker blues: sandbox parenting thead

My mum used it (not for educational purposes as she found it too liberal). I bought a new one when I was in university. I wanted to be a child psychologist so I figured I'd need the Dr Spock book. I looked in it once or twice when Ophelia was in my belly and after she was born but I didn't much like what he had to say about certain things (like do you go to yr kid when he's crying or not).

I don't really look in the books anymore.

So, yeah, we're not getting much sleep (I do Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights) though last night wasn't too bad - fed on demand at 12:15, 3:50 and 5am (at which point we were joined by a wailing Ava).

Here's Tallulah doing her threatening Scouse face:

http://static.flickr.com/117/306594197_973f1a2ab1.jpg

Here's Ava buried under cushions:

http://static.flickr.com/100/306596378_a4348fc14d.jpg

It is really painful, and unfortunately a lot of parents who can't stomach it for 1-3 nights end up with 4 years olds still sleeping in their beds.

I find myself posting pics to these threads (and scrolling through my Flickr sets) on days when I know I'm going to work late and hence not see her in the flesh when I get in... :(

sometimes it takes longer than 1-3 nights unfortunately, also. but yeah, we just met someone who has a 10 month old who hasn't had more than ONE HOUR of continuous sleep since the baby was born. NO. She seemed a little...insane.

That's it. We're just going to get a hotel room while the kid cries it out.

Also bad is when you have to go through it all over again because you visited someplace where the tyke had to bunk with you (happened a couple of times visiting the in-laws for 1-2 weeks over the holidays). Even being in a crib in the same room can cause a relapse. (akm: get the crib out of your room!)

-- PPlains (pleasant.plain...) (webmail), Today 7:28 PM. (PPlains) (later)

Yay!!

Y'know, as cruel as this sounds: the kid is not gonna suffer emotional damage because you let him cry it out. I know this easier said than done, but, trust me, with a little ferberizing (or just plain crying it out) it'll be solved. Look at your kid, can he manage to be on his own for an hour? Yes? Well, do it. I was of the opinion that I couldn't let Ophelia cry a little but my husband stressed that I had to or she wouldn't be able to be on her own. I don't think I was that *bad*: I did leave her for a minute or so but being with him (instead of being a single parent for example) taught me that I wouldn't really fall in my mother's trap of forever being there for my daughter. I was so dependent on my mother that I had EXTREME tantrums when my mom wasn't there (day or night) up until the age of about 2,5 yrs old. I just have to remember what Ophelia can become and I know that a bit of crying will do her good. God, that makes it sounds as though I neglect her. Trust me, I don't! :-)

http://static.flickr.com/99/308612161_281bb50fe1_m.jpg

Yeah she does!

;-)

TOM E YOU BETTAH POST A PIC OF YR BEBE!

http://static.flickr.com/113/312049561_000ceda740.jpg?v=0

http://static.flickr.com/115/311524401_e392c0ccd2.jpg?v=0

http://static.flickr.com/113/312049558_567db474b8.jpg?v=0

chillin'in front of xmas tree!

Update! Ophelia in handknitted sweatah! Waddayasay? I even included a zippah.Hoera! Sleeves are a bit short though but I blame the teacher who changed the pattern. Harumph.

E4: I want to take boxing!
E3: How about if I just beat you up?
E4: Okay! Tiger style again?

I just found out my parents might be getting this for Ophelia. SHould I be worried?

It blows my mind that in this day and age anyone would consider smoking while pregnant acceptable.

We hope to get the kids out of the bed soon, of course. We only have a queen size bed, so it's a little crowded with the two babies. I suggested putting the bed in the garage and putting a king size mattress on the floor, but that was just too ghetto an idea for my wife.

A couple new pics:
http://static.flickr.com/127/320128244_16fd99dc76.jpg
http://static.flickr.com/131/317510856_4910fc3f7c.jpg

From the Flickr set

As for rules, yeah... good luck with that. You have to do what works with the kids you wind up with...

With Tallulah we had some "success" initially with her in her own crib in our room - sleeping reasonably well, one major feed per night. But lately she's not been doing so well - whether it's the cold she's had since Ava snotted her sisterly affection all over her in week one or the looming spectre of colic (she has digestive/gas issues way worse than Ava ever did) - we usually need her in the bed for her to sleep soundly for more than 30min at a time. Last night was an exception - she slept in the crib until 3:45am, thereafter (fitfully) in the bed.

Whether through jealousy or by chance, Ava now wants back in on the act. I think it's the final throes of teething - she wakes up wailing at 1am or so and we have to take her into our bed to calm her down. You can tell it's a real illicit treat for her - she's smiling to herself as she burrows into the pillows between Mum and Dad. If Tallulah's already in prime sandwich position, I have to take Ava downstairs or just arrange the two of them very carefully. Hope it doesn't become a nightly occurrence.

Our doctor told us the only documented cases of people rolling over and crushing their babies involve BOTH obesity and drugs/alcohol. Something like 80% of the world's population sleep with their infants in the bed.

Thing to watch out for: Keep the covers/comforters away from their head(s).

And of course, put down a "piddle pad" because babies be wettin'!

How is old is she now exactly?

Yay for not crying! :-)

Here's something great about having two kids: they play together. Sometimes this devolves into fighting (at our house they even fight about imaginary things), but sometimes they play together so nicely and it's really great.

I'm wondering about a health issue. Cyrus, now 1.75, likes to carry around a bottle - it's his comfort item. It's time we should make him switch to a cup, but we haven't had the fortitude to deal with the crying. My real question is not so much about that, but about the volume of liquids he drinks. I know it's best not to give a kid that age more than a measly 4 oz. of juice. We only give him 100% juice and we water his bottles down so much that he only has a bit of juice. But he wants to have a bottle of milk or juice all the time. He wakes up in the middle of the night asking for a bottle a few times a night. Last night he drank 4 bottles during the night. He wakes up with his diaper soaked through. He cries and cries for it. He's also had sort of chronically loose poop, which makes me think he needs the liquid.

I know the answer already -- we have to be tough and just limit his bottles. But I'm wondering if maybe he's got some digestive/intestinal thing going on that makes him thirsty all the time.

I find it hard about daycare but I know that it'll be a good thing. In march OPhelia will go two days a week. A friendn said that she'll make big jumps as they are stimulated* a lot. My mom and best friend however are adamant that keeping a baby as long as possible is much better. Hmm, I think I'll contact the daycare and see if I can still reserve a place. It's quite difficult.

Maria, can you ask a doctor about the intestinal/digestive question? Because that has got to be really hard on your son's teeth. One possible compromise to make the transition easier: switching to water only bottles at night. Then he still has the bottle but at least it's not anything that is going to cause dental caries.

oh and regarding gestation, pregnancy lasts 40 weeks from date of last period, 38 weeks from fertilization.

We have discussed whether there might be a no.2 one day, but we're going to see how we get along with one - right now I'm really not convinced I could go through pregnancy again (and I haven't even done childbirth yet). Mind you, I was doing fine until I went overdue - it's just this past week I have been somewhat miserable.

Our kid's going to daycare at six weeks. I sure hope you don't feel guilty about sending a one-year old to daycare!

It seems like so many people I know are pregnant now, and I'm finding that I really really really want another one. Clearly not going to happen, and come on, I'll be 35 this summer, I'm already at the "advanced maternal age" period of my life, but wow, I WANT ONE.

Learning to live with "yeah, probably not gonna have any more" is sort of sad and a little hard.

As the dad of two kids 21 months apart, this rings so many bells with me it's practically a campanologists' convention.

It's very tough at the moment; I'm not sure we'd have coped so far without the network of neighbourhood mums (people Pam met at the weekly drop-in centre when Ava was very young) who helped us out when Pam was in hospital and occasionally give her a break by taking Ava for an afternoon. Ava loves her sister very much but has a tendency to express it in a slightly unrestrained manner - the other day she almost gouged Tallulah's eyes out in her enthusiasm. I look forward to when the dynamic of their relationship is a bit different to the constantly dangerous scenario of the rambunctious 2-y-o running wild vs helpless 3-m-o tot who gurgles happily even when 2-y-o is dragging her off the couch to "play" with her.

Free time just vanishes when you have two, I find. One child might seem draining of your time and energy but you will pine for those days of just one kiddie. And, as Jaq says, the logistics of looking after/transporting/doing anything social with two is massively complicated vs one child.

No one should ever give you grief for relying on daycare or other outside help even if you have just the one child. Whatever helps you get by, whether financially or emotionally. Parenting seems to be this continuous balancing act between what you need to do to just to cope and what the prevailing expert opinion on any specific topic is telling you to do (whether feeding, sleep routine, weaning, toilet training, etc).

It's all worth it, though. I think.

I'll be 35 this summer

Hell, I'll be 34 when the second will be born. Do I care? Hell no, I wanted two and that's what I'll have. Hopefully. :-)