CHICAGO: If Hepatitis C Were Attacking Your Face Instead of Your Liver You'd Be Doing Something About It

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9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

This reader's response

1. "Because you aren't doing it right" is not necessarily true; sometimes it's just fun to push and thrust (for the receiver as well as the giver of fellatio).

2. It's so fucking annoying to receive bad head from a guy. Guys (on guys) don't have much of an excuse: unless you have never received a decent BJ, you should be able to perform at least some reasonable reporduction of the technique you enjoyed, ding-dong. The problem is either the giver is a bit dense, lacks interest in the job, or is uncoordinated. Or has never received good head--but if you're with me then that is unequivocally not the problem.

3. It seems like there is a steeper learning curve for straight sex. Thus, #2.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 06:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Also, what more post-coital cuddling could a person want than spooning? It's totally comfortable, it's cuddling, it's holding, it's a position you can sleep in. IMHO: perfect.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 07:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Not here. At some point, just stop touching me.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 11:54 (seventeen years ago) link

I am awake at 6 in the morning because it was time for a Mai Tai. Meaning that it was maybe 90 degrees in my bedroom, and I had to get up and crack the window. Then that didn't work and I went and opened the window wide. Then I said fuck everything, I'm having a cigarette. Oh, and water. I'm a tad parched. I guess the trouble is that it's a mere 37 outside? Sigh. This is going to be a long winter.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 11:57 (seventeen years ago) link

The window has been open all the way for a good five minutes now, which I figured would be risky since it might be freezing in there when I walked back in. Nope. It's still a little too warm. I'll give it another five.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 12:01 (seventeen years ago) link

regarding the fake meat thing, there used to be a sketchy grocery store in my 'hood (edmar [r.i.p.], for those who remember it) that would occasionally have chicken patties for rediculously low prices. being a fan of both bird and things i can microwave and eat in under 90 seconds i used to buy them. when i was house-sitting this past week, the freezer was stocked with morning* stuff, including the chik patties. the fake chicken tasted no different than the real stuff because with both all you can really taste is the breading, the "meat" is mearly the agar used in conjunction with the breading. and the morningstar breading was much superior.

so there's my fake meat story.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 14:20 (seventeen years ago) link

I sleep far, far better alone and I get backaches from any intertwined sleeping positions, but it makes me sad to always be scootched to opposite sides of the bed like logs/total strangers. I cannot win. I also kind of hate both those list-writers, even though both are at least a little bit right.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 14:54 (seventeen years ago) link

cold beds seem colder when you sleep in them alone, the one that got away called me as i was climbing into bed last night and we were discussing this phenomenon. we were in total agreement about it.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Well, it's actually scientifically true: heat-sharing works!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:05 (seventeen years ago) link

I was suspicious of fake meat for the first few years of being vegetarian and openly mocked it before that. Now I love soy tacos, veggie burgers, chik patties, chik nugs (on and off, sometimes they gross me out for some reason), and the best are the fake corn dogs. I never really got into fake deli meat. Tofurkey, especially the ones with fake bones, give me the creeps.

― Calico (calico), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Also, someone once crankily scolded me for touching him while sleeping and even in my sleep-fogged state, I was like "Yo, that should be your WORST PROBLEM, that your girlfriend curls up to you while she's sleeping. Shut up." So no sympathy here!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I also kind of hate both those list-writers, even though both are at least a little bit right.

I dunno. I think they're both about half right, and I don't hate either of them. But maybe that's because I can only have the perspective of one sex at a time. Maybe if I could morph like a Moorcock character.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:26 (seventeen years ago) link

it's too early for this, what else is going on today? anyone? anything good? oh! since i took monday off it feels like tuesday to me today but guess what? it's wednesday! so that means thirsty thursday is coming early for me, thank fucking god.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:28 (seventeen years ago) link

No way, they're both only a little bit right, but both are totally convinced that they're 100% RIGHT and take, in order of address, a patronizing, moralizing tone, and a shrewish, brassy one. All unbecoming.

Also, for either one to be 100% right the world would have to be a place I couldn't live in, hence the vehemence of "hate".

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:29 (seventeen years ago) link

At some point, just stop touching me.

Actually, that's not true. I do like a little bit of something against me. Just not AROUND me or ON TOP OF me. (Me and my cat fight about this, too.)

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Right, but the moralizing is somewhat called for, I think, if I apply those rules to myself. And the brassiness is... well, sexy.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:35 (seventeen years ago) link

I listened to the podcast of last Sunday's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me with Amy Sedaris and I laughed so hard on the train that I am sure people were considering calling the conductor for assistance. About 30 seconds into her segment I stopped trying to snicker behind my hand and just sat there and laughed loud and proud.

So I recommend it, especially to AS fans.

I like fake meat, generally.

Both of those list writers can take a long walk off a short pier. They both fall into the biological imperative trap within the first ten so they can both bite me. Also, everything Laurel said 2x.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Actually, that's not true. I do like a little bit of something against me. Just not AROUND me or ON TOP OF me.

i don't mind waking up and finding an arm or leg wrapped around me. or finding someone's head on my chest, that's always a welcome surprise for me.

unless, y'know, i went to bed alone or there's no body attached to the limb in question.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Huh. The magical tropical heat has ended and now I'm cool again. I guess that's because the outside temp has risen to a balmy 32.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:51 (seventeen years ago) link

And the brassiness is... well, sexy.

*GAG*

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Sleeping: I can't sleep spooned or otherwise touching someone for more than, like, an hour. Then I have to scuttle off and sleep all sprawled out on my stomach, or just lay half awake all night.

I just got into work a little while ago, I was working on this recording that I'm obsessing over and lost track of time. But my boss is out of town this week so it's "cool".

― JordanC (JordanC), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:55 (seventeen years ago) link

We're going to be talking about your heat a lot this winter, aren't we, Jesse? Also, with you on the gag.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:56 (seventeen years ago) link

EVAN, THIS IS FOR YOU:

http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1161456405123.b.jpg

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:57 (seventeen years ago) link

If anyone wants it, I can... do that thing we sometimes do.

Yes, please!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 15:59 (seventeen years ago) link

John, I YSIed and sent to Mark, but I don't have the link with me at work. He should. Otherwise, I'll re-up it tonight.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:03 (seventeen years ago) link

My brother Mark??

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:12 (seventeen years ago) link

just e-mailed you, john

― mark cunningham (robots in love), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:15 (seventeen years ago) link

wait, where did you move to evan?

and, speaking of new towns, i've been bummed lately about the whole friend things to. it was triggered b/c my birthday is soon & under normal friend-full circumstances, I'd convince friends to come out on saturday. as it is, i think leaf & i might see a movie or eat food out in the world or something.

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

hi mark!! you were in my dreams a few nights ago. you had a baby.

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

hi kelsey--i don't have a baby!

― mark cunningham (robots in love), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:18 (seventeen years ago) link

i know! but you did in my sleep. it was w/ yer ex . . . C. I forget how it all came about (my knowing about it, not the making of the baby).

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:18 (seventeen years ago) link

http://static.flickr.com/79/233144639_d89efca8bf_o.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:21 (seventeen years ago) link

However it happened, I hope he was very considerate and asked politely before penetration.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:22 (seventeen years ago) link

are they aiming to have the birds hump their hats? what is that?!

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:22 (seventeen years ago) link

http://img201.echo.cx/img201/3692/batshark9wi.gif

― JordanC (JordanC), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link

completely unrelated, but the Batman birds reminded me: i saw a great blue heron yesterday, just chilling in the parking lot to my apartment complex. it was huge--at least 4' tall. quite a beautiful creature.

― mark cunningham (robots in love), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:27 (seventeen years ago) link

wow.

hey -- what's with people using their real names on the sandbox? not that i'm complaining: i have more info to add to my spreadsheet now.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:28 (seventeen years ago) link

I love blue herons. My parents get them by their house. They're so elegant & yet secretly evil b/c they can be so aggressive . . . before my cat passed away, we were always afraid she'd get stabbed by one.

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:29 (seventeen years ago) link

xpost You didn't have your brother's name on the spreadsheet? I guess that makes sense.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:29 (seventeen years ago) link

I guess I'm mostly thinking of Dr. Morbius, who was going around posting as Bill Weber for a few days.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:33 (seventeen years ago) link

http://www.fnal.gov/ecology/wildlife/pics/Great_Blue_Heron.jpg
now i wish i could have seen it in flight

― mark cunningham (robots in love), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:33 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to see a blue heron. where must one live for such a thing to happen.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:34 (seventeen years ago) link

well, mark is on the west coast & my parents live in delaware . . . but they're usually around water. i think i've seen a couple in minnesota since moving up here.

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:35 (seventeen years ago) link

birds amaze me.

― whoop de doodle (kenan), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:36 (seventeen years ago) link

seeing that photo reminds me of how much i love bird legs & toes. on the blue heron, for instance, their legs are so so long & once they get up in the air, everything tucks in so tidy against their belly.

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:36 (seventeen years ago) link

I've seen a few back home in MI. Sandhill cranes too.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:37 (seventeen years ago) link

I saw one of these standing in a pasture next to the freeway on Sunday.

http://www.sfgate.com/getoutside/1996/may/photos/egret-profileR-wade.jpg

― Michael White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:37 (seventeen years ago) link

screw chicks, dude

― grbchv! (gbx), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:37 (seventeen years ago) link

that's an egret, right?

― sweet tater (sweet tater), Wednesday, 6 December 2006 16:39 (seventeen years ago) link

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