thumbsucker blues: sandbox parenting thead

Nathalie, those pictures of Ophelia are great, but I keep going back and looking at your excellent shoes. Square toed loafers? Give me your shoes.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/335610826_d9592eed1e.jpg

here he is at 12.5 mos next to his 28 mo cousin.

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after shots.

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I think the cuteness of this pic may force my family to move closer.

He's so big! And gorgeous! I want to smooch his cheeks and grab his little chubby arms and legs. Oh teens, I am in love with your babydoll.

She's been pretty grouchy the last couple of days, I think it's because we're still struggling to second guess her feeding patterns/needs. Can't just shove her onto a boob when she looks hungry, unfortunately. I am growing to hate her bottles and the eternal round of washing, sterilising, measuring, warming... not to mention the dreaded breast pump. But she's putting on weight like a trooper which is the main thing.

But weirdly she seems to be able to stay fast asleep even while snuffling and spitting up, so she must be reasonably happy (if messy).

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i am SO sick of being pregnant. over it over it over it!

here's something weird though: i've had morning sickness throughout this entire pregnancy but while I was in Australia I didnt get, or feel, sick at all. now, i've been back in the US for 24 hours and I've already puked 3 times. what the hell?? does baby want to be born downunder?

Just how financially secure should potential parents be?

This is Mr Pumpkins main reason for not having a baby, he says he doesn't want to just 'manage'. I think he's being unreasonable.

Whatever you do, don't go thinking that you'll get pregnant straight away. Yes, it might happen, but I think the current stat. is that one in six couples experience problems trying to conceive that means it takes over a year. The longer you leave it, the more risks you take with dwindling fertility.

However, I'm not a parent (yet, hahaha....)

We figure the amount we would save on not getting to go out ever again should be enough to keep a baby in baby things forever, but this doesn't mean I'm going to try this hypothesis out.

I would probably go back to work part time, but to a better paid job.

He's terrified of losing the flat, but at the moment we're left with a full wage to live on after all the bills are paid.

(though it is a good time to go looking elsewhere, and you hand your notice in as soon as possible after you return - well, that's what colleagues of mine have done in the past)

Ah for the olden days. Bet our grandparents didn't worry about finances and careers before hopping into bed.

xpost, no, because in our grandparents' day, a lot of kids were an asset, not a liability. (My dad is one of twelve.)

Example, some family friends just spent nearly £200 on a baby monitor/alarm thingie. £200!!!! God knows how my mum coped with having to just keep an eye on me.

It's if they give you above and beyond the statutory that they have the right to claim it back, but not all employers will.

Nothing to tell at the minute Ailsa, though Chris and I definitely would like to have kids, I don't think that would come as a big surprise to people though!

I reckon Ava & Tallulah cost us about £230/month in food, clothing and other essentials and, yes, nearly a quarter of that is disposable nappies. That's excluding all the extra washing machine/tumble dryer/central heating/car usage that the kids make necessary (couldn't have T in a room below 18C for the first few weeks, etc) or the hefty occasional outlays (buggy, car seats, cot, changing table).

We get £127/month in Child Benefit and £96/month in Child Tax Credit (they're calendar month equivalents, not what we get every four weeks) so, in theory, it's nearly covered. (The CTC will drop to about half that when T is one and, obviously, the costs will mount then; also, before T arrived and the benefits increased, the disparity between CB+CTC and monthly outlay on A was greater).

We slide ever further into debt, though, but that's mainly pre-parenthood profligacy, spells of unemployment and going horribly overbudget on the house refurb. We spent daft amounts on each other this Xmas too, despite saying we wouldn't... :)

No one can ever afford kids, certainly not underpaid lower-middle-class thirtysomething goofballs like us, but, as Vicky said, you can't wait for the promotion/partnership/Lotto win.

We probably spend about £200 in the pub in an average month, so losing that in itself should be enough to cope with the expensive early years. Not that we have any intentions right now of having kids, but if we did I can't see myself having any truck with nonsense like changing tables and disposable nappies and £200 baby monitors and stuff (having had it hammered into me by my mum that these things aren't necessary since they didn't have them in her day, yadda yadda yadda). I think we'd manage just fine - most people that I know do.

Our baby monitor was a gift (and definitely not a £200 model); it went barmy at the beginning of the year (picking up everything but the transmitter) and we don't really need it. We don't live in such a big house that we can't hear the kids fretting/crying from practically everywhere save the shed or the garden.

We seem to run the washing machine semi-continuously already - God knows what it would be like if T was soiling half a dozen cloth diapers a day as well. Good luck doing without the Pampers*!

(* - or eco-friendly equivalent)

I shall probably never have to face this dilemma, hence why I get to be all uppity about it. How bad can it be, seriously, though? (I used to wipe other people's bums for a living, surely it's easier if it's your own cherished child? If I was really hardcore about it, I'd be all "washing machines? my mum managed without a washing machine" but I'm not a complete moron.

we aren't talking about the wiping of the bums! you still have to wipe bums with or without disposable diapers. it's the fact that babies poop A LOT. you would be washing diapers ALL DAY if you used cloth diapers. that's the thing.

The parents of one of my friends had twins and refused to use disposable diapers. To this day (20 years later!) I can still remember the horrible smell of that house.

And no, you can never afford kids. But that is part of what makes them so precious. They are worth pretty much every sacrifice and hardship, in the long run.

I have only done disposable, although I am thinking of starting to do a half-and-half thing, now that I only have one poop a day to deal with and I generally know when it happens.

My grandmother (circa 1930) claimed to have potty-trained her kids from birth. Basically, she just knew when to hold them over the toilet.

(seriously, I have no real bother one way or the other. It always seemed to me that real nappies would be better all round than disposables, but now I'm not so sure. I'm directing my rage solely at people with £200 baby monitors now)

And I'm definitely with you about needless gadgets ailsa. I think I spent a total of £9 of my own money on preparing for Alice (on clothes at an NCT nearly new sale) and everything else was donated/Freecycled/bought by parents. She's obviously going to cost a lot more now she's actually here but at least babies don't know/care if their gear is second-hand or improvised.

It probably helps that we have no space for anything anyway. But thank god someone else fulfilled Alice's pressing need for a giant corduroy bunny:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/159/336141847_70fb1e064d.jpg?v=0

It's my opinion that the most important thing you can give your children, the thing they will truly remember, is your time, and I personally think that the small conveniences of modern living that truly give us more time to spend where we choose are well worth it.

Very true. I was going to say, with all this "can we afford it?" talk - the hurtin' isn't just on your wallet (and you can control that to a certain extent by being thrifty), it's on your free time, which (with two or more kids especially) may well dwindle away to nothing.

example-now typing one-fingered with fussy T in crook of arm...gotta go

Toys? We have a lot but Ophelia prefers taking out all the paper out of closets. The first half year you don't need much at all.

We didn't think about the cost of having a baby. Mostly because it wasn't a problem. (Being the worrier that I am, it does However I didn't realize how much money can/is spent on a baby! WTF man. I did switch from yr fancy ass (hah!) Pampers to a cheaper (and imo better) alternative. Saves us a ton of money. Same goes with those towelettes: 1 euro instead of 3 euros. Hey and I knit her sweaters. ;-) Just kidding. But if I wanted I could save a lot of money on clothing by knitting all her sweaters (instead of buying'em). Still, no designer clobber for Ophelia. It's ridiculous even if you have the money.

We get £127/month in Child Benefit

WTF! We get about 55 pounds. Oh wait is that for two kids? I put all the money on her savings account.

Archel, that's one of my favourite baby pics EVER.

Oops, this is what happens when you turn around and look at Ophelia crawling around: you forget to type the rest of the sentence.