CHICAGO: If Hepatitis C Were Attacking Your Face Instead of Your Liver You'd Be Doing Something About It

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While at work I argued with John in my mind.

I won't contest John's arguments--no lo contendre, or something. But I will say that it's nonsense to say that the accent of a fair-sized area is a mispronunciation. "Whore" and "horrible" are NOT pronounced the same if you are from certain parts of the East Coast.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 05:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Best email I've received in a while, but unfortunately I am not (yet) at liberty to reveal the identity of the sender....

I went to the gyno to get an IUD today and they couldn't even get the tool to measure my uterus through my cervix cause it's too goddamn tough....what the fuck is that shit? They had to call in backup and then when the second PA couldn't do it either they were like..."Ummm, have you thought about birth control pills?"...goddamn my cervix, it's like a fucking maximum security prison up in that bitch.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 05:53 (seventeen years ago) link

i am probably still a little underweight even though i have put on about 30 pounds since my smallest weight. however, i do feel that i should exercise or eat less because i am so used to being too skinny.

― t0dd swiss (immobilisme), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 06:09 (seventeen years ago) link

"Whore" and "horrible" are NOT pronounced the same if you are from certain parts of the East Coast.

I agree with this. This isn't what you said to me the other night, though.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 06:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Unless I was misunderstanding you, you claimed that WITHOUT an East Coast accent, "whore" and "horrible" STILL are pronounced differently.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 06:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Note: The IUD email was not from me.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 13:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Or me! Not it!

I can't calculate my BMI because I haven't weighed myself in a very long time. Maybe I will tonight at the gym. I tend to avoid doing that to try instead to focus on FEELING healthy, but I guess it would be good to know where I stand, to the extent BMI could tell me.

Dan, don't you work out all the time? Pure muscle, baby.

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:23 (seventeen years ago) link

email wasn't mine either, my cervix is like the size of a garage door.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Unless I was misunderstanding you, you claimed that WITHOUT an East Coast accent, "whore" and "horrible" STILL are pronounced differently.

No, ding-dong, I was not the one who brought it up. We were sitting at Ricochet's having a normal conversation when suddenly, out of nowhere, you said "PEOPLE FROM THE EAST COAST PRONOUNCE "HORRIBLE" WRONG--IT IS NOT PRONOUNCED HAHRRIBLE OMIGOD OMIGOD.

In a way it was a blessing that you did this because it was then that Krista did something that will make being your friend much easier: she started going "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" at you, which seemed to either sooth you or otherwise make you want to stop ranting.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link

I thought it was "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:40 (seventeen years ago) link

We really shouldn't try to guess the pronunciation without consulting John first.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:42 (seventeen years ago) link

http://ctabustracker.com

How about that.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:42 (seventeen years ago) link

I have no idea who brought it up, but that's not the point.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:44 (seventeen years ago) link

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

(or maybe AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:46 (seventeen years ago) link

"PEOPLE FROM THE EAST COAST PRONOUNCE "HORRIBLE" WRONG," Said John.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:47 (seventeen years ago) link

said John

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Sorry Jesse, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to go to work now.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Everyone, get over it.

― Jeff... (Jeff...), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Dan, don't you work out all the time?

Once upon a time (like a year and a half ago), yes. I had been back at the cardio for a couple of months lately but injury, poorness, and malaise put an end to it for the better part of November.

Yeah, cram a sock in it, you whores.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:56 (seventeen years ago) link

(How are you pronouncing whores there, Dan? hee hee)

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, cram a sock in it, you whores.

Was that directed at me and John?

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 14:58 (seventeen years ago) link

That bus tracker... it's a miracle! I think Heath takes the Madison bus. I wonder if he knows about this?

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Amy Sedaris is going to be signing her wonderful book I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence" at 7 PM at the Borders on N. Michigan Avenue. I plan on being there to watch as Courtney gets her copy signed, and most likely get a signed copy for myself. If you would like to join us, then come on.

http://www.amysedarisrocks.com/images/ilikeyou/intro1.jpg

http://www.amysedarisrocks.com/images/ilikeyou/intro2.jpg

http://www.amysedarisrocks.com/images/ilikeyou/intro3.jpg

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Another fine email, from a different person who shall remain nameless.

I think I might love you, Jesse. Can we maybe have each others’ babies before my bio clock is done turning round? I’ve got a good decade, maybe — no rush.

This may contain confidential material. If you are not an intended recipient, please notify the sender, delete immediately, and understand that no disclosure or reliance on the information herein is permitted. We may monitor email to and from our network.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:10 (seventeen years ago) link

From the Introduction to I Like You:

"I can't write good, but I can cook even better...."

?Even though the word "entertainment" is commonly used today, to me it sounds charmingly old-fashioned, like courtship or back-alley abortion."

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

I want a Broadway bus tracker! Global bus tracker implementation might just be enough to bring me into the Blackberry world.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

I thought the signing was Friday??

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:18 (seventeen years ago) link

a western ave bus tracker would save me the decision of "do i get off at western & congress and wait for anywhere between 1 and 40 minutes with the local gang bangers or do i ride the extra 20 minutes through the loop to division or damen and walk?"

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:23 (seventeen years ago) link

she started going "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" at you, which seemed to either sooth you or otherwise make you want to stop ranting.

I find this hilarious for some reason.

― JordanC (JordanC), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:24 (seventeen years ago) link

It was.

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:24 (seventeen years ago) link

The book signing is Wednesday. I was wrong.

― crunkleJ (crunkleJ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:29 (seventeen years ago) link

I have a huge zit on my nose, the kind that could stick around for awhile. I'd rather that I didn't.

― JordanC (JordanC), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Zit kills thread dead.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Get back here.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 15:56 (seventeen years ago) link

OKAY FINE STAY AWAY.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:00 (seventeen years ago) link

The most hilarious thing about the sonic conditioning is it makes Krista look like a fucking awesome genius. Either she's done it before, in which case she's a fucking genius, or she's so nuts that it was the first loony thing that occurred to her to distract John in public, in which case she's awesome.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

― JordanC (JordanC), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Was that directed at me and John?

You whores better believe it was.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Seeing the sonic conditioning LIVE IN PERSON was what I imagine watching Dog Behaviorist Cesar Milan in action would be like. Jesse and I tried making a buzzing noise that is fun to make when people are trying to bowl but that didn't work.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:05 (seventeen years ago) link

I am starting to feel kind of down but I think it's just because I'm sleepy, kind of hungry, bored to death, and f'n lazy.

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Can we stop pretending that the anonymous person Jesse keeps quoting isn't Courtney?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:13 (seventeen years ago) link

I put a few photos from my trip home on my flickr page (sorry Ottoman). They're of my family's cottage and mostly feature me and/or my mom standing around.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Wasn't that a given? It's not so much "pretending" as "ignoring".

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:14 (seventeen years ago) link

It isn't Courtney.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:16 (seventeen years ago) link

You buncha know-nothing know-it-alls.

― Lance Rock (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

I bet my cousin and his bf will be at the Amy Sedaris reading.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

I don't get "Lance Rock." Is it a made-up homo name?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Sounds like a POWER NAME to me.

― danno martinez (danno martinez), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:20 (seventeen years ago) link

He is a Beyond the Valley of the Dolls character.

― Calico (calico), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:23 (seventeen years ago) link

My BMI is normal. Not high or low, just normal. 20.1
WEREN'T YOU JUST DYING TO KNOW MY BMI?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

― Armando Grouse (Armando ), Tuesday, 28 November 2006 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link

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