Watercooler Sub Zero: Ice Capades

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g152/Lnachts/ben.jpg

Maybe this student didn't hand in their exam? I know I've done this before today.

plz 2 lock teh_kit

I might actually have to stop objectifying PBW and actually, like, treat him like a human being or something. Weird. I'm not sure I know how to do that.

"Kraftwerk, Stereolab and the Stooges?" In yer dreams, lads. You are Duran Duran and I claim my £5 and a cocktail on a yacht.

They were called Major Stars, which one of my friends actually thought was a "secret attraction!" description rather than a band name, like the item in the Terrastock lineup which read "Break (not a band called Break)".

"No" came the answer "I told them on the phone what kind of music we play."

So, there was no support band called "Scar"

(My sisX0r used to be in a band called The Scars. They did not play "Scar", though.)

No, you stumbled onto a conversation involving bad jokes. Which happened to be told at ATP. I don't see why it's so different from any other random bollocks talked on this thread.

We just got the most *amazing* chocolates handed round at work.

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/687/1165465941349pu9.png

It did make me laugh, though.

(boy, it's slow!)

This is not a situation I find myself in very often. I kinda have this dichotomy - that there are hott boys to be admired and lusted after (usually from afar) but never actually interacted with particularly seriously. And then there are my friends, with whom I can have the interesting conversations and the mental alignment and actual share thoughts and maybe even emotions.

And I'm feeling a bit weird about these boundaries being crossed. Because that way badness lies.

...and suddenly, completely by accident, in trying to get into a semi-flirting, pigtail pulling mock argument, I'm finding someone actually challenging my ideas and expanding my intellectual horizons and talking about things I find really interesting in a way that... well, that I've been trying to get from, but *not* got from, for example, my bandmate/supposed collaboraters in years.

And a bit of me is saying "you're not supposed to *do* that, you're just a bit of trouser to be objectified". And the other half is saying "run away, run away!" When what I really want to be doing is saying "hey! come back here! Did you really just say what I think you said? Do you believe that? Justify/explain yourself and we'll debate whether you're right or wrong - or if right and wrong are concepts that even belong in this argument!"

Argh. Why am I such a stupid mess?

http://www.forestandbird.org.nz/Marine/sealions/_sealionpups.jpg

There's only two categories.

He just made me cry with a single line from a song because it's something *I* once wrote, from the other side.

(I was pointing out that some of Kate's friends clearly fall between the two categories, though it also occurs to me that that's because they aren't being objectified when they become friends, but presumably the transition was made at some point)

I'm fine with men if they're Out Of Bounds for whatever reason - usually through being in a relationship with someone else, through being totally unsuitable for reasons of age or other. Or when I'm just not attracted to them.

It's when it's that strange quasi-land of "available, just not available to me" that it becomes painful.

When you're totally objectifying a bloke to the point where they are just floppy hair and pointy nose, that's keeping them at an emotional distance. No big deal if it doesn't happen and you don't get to touch them, because you don't want anything more than to look. It's when that velvet curtain gets pulled back, and you see a glimpse, not of well-turned heel, but of... brain, soul, heart, essence - and you suddenly think "hang on, actually I want to touch *that*!"

Then it's just too painful.

Oh, and I found that someone has banned my blog! Notoriety!!!

FP, banned blog is always gonna be the outcome when you bang on about a spermcube.

Also less long haired elvish, more short haired bohemians.

We need a kate/emsk to provide both Ed and myself with a supply of pretty pictures to look at. They're both good barometers of our tastes!

xxpost

(xpost)

I bumped into my ex last night. She said: "oh, I'm doing catwalk modelling for [a bespoke fetishwear company] in January and they don't have any male models - you should get in touch with them!"

I am going to copy and paste a memo which has been sent round the office this morning for your amusement:

Good Morning All,

As some you may be aware there have recently been a few people fall ill with tummy bugs, all within the space of 24-48 hours of each other. Whilst this is very likely to be a bizarre coincidence, in the interest of your safety, we are taking the following two precautions.

I have ordered replacement filters for the Water coolers (which were not due to be replaced until February). Bottled water will be available from later on this morning until the filters have been checked/replaced.

I have instructed a test of the Air-conditioning and a thorough clean of the filters to ensure there are no germs being circulated.

Many thanks

Company Office Manager

DAMN WATERCOOLERS MAKING US SICK!!!!

I'm drinking tap water today which is bleecchhhh

Suggestions:
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Try more general keywords.
Try fewer keywords.

::DOES PIROUETTES ABOUT THE OFFICE::

My god, it was magical! It wasn't the flashiest Nutcracker I've ever seen (Lincoln Centre, hello) but it was just... magical. I was in tears by the time the Sugarplum Fairy did her famous dance.

The spacerock ysi wizard is taking requests for xmas.

Glad you are back in the land of the living, Ed.

Ours was a filter on tap water. Our tap water is NASTY (I've just had a glass) but the watercooler water is fine. I don't have the heart to tell them it's Iguana Flu and nothing to do with the watercooler at all.

Where *is* Mitya, though? We didn't offend him too badly while he was here, did we?

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g152/Lnachts/tsm12.jpg

And Ed, I feel you pain:

Your search - long haired elvish - did not match any documents.

Our watercooler feeds in from the mains, but it zaps the water so it tastes really nice.

Do some work, or answer some email? Ach, answer some email.

I had a strange attack of Teh Horn when I was on the train this morning, it wasn't a specific horn, it was just the desire to kiss, the abstract desire for sex, just as a hole or absence to be filled up. It was quite odd, it wasn't really focused on a specific person though I am still suffering with crush. I think it was hormones and/or fever.

I just popped into town with the goth - and of course someone noticed us getting into my car together.

FP, you were giving a lift to The Goth - that's not SUCH a bad thing, is it? I get lifts into town all the time, and no tongues are wagging. Unless she got in your boot or something.

(FP is probably getting bored of this by now.)

I'm enjoying the crush at the moment. I've just been annoyingly happy and in a good mood. Then again, that could be to do with the enourmous sense of freedom and weights being lifted from my shoulders WRT other bits of my life. Who knows. It's so rare that I'm just unqualifiedly happy that I'm just going to enjoy it.

Oh wait, I haven't sent it yet.

I need a new TLA for him. I think that "PBW" is kinda objectifying perhaps.

FP, you're fine. So people think you two are messing - and? So? Does anyone really give a toss? (in a nice way, of course)

What is this short for? Should I ask?

(based on a willful misreading of this)

remove interesting
add intelligent

*Yes, this company invented them. Blame us.

x-post ah. That is a bit clumbsy. Perhaps I can carry on calling him PBW, or "he's not Jesus, but he has the same initials"

Off to the party in 15 mins = yay me! The plan is to win big at the casino, impress an elvish beauty in a satin dress with my swooning, dance like Fred Astaire, then take her back to my hotel room for the best shag ever.

(good luck)

c) she is chained up during those lunch breaks.

MY LIFE IS COMPLETE:

http://myspace.com/snowangelsong

(substitute "elvish beauty" for "barmaid's shoes" and "ditch" for "last train to Paisley except now in Troon". also I don't wear a bow tie. And I don't even think it was Christmas.)

PBW's doubtless not responding as he is on a plane to NYC at THIS VERY MOMENT.

I got an email while I was out from my mom, saying that my grandmother is doing better than she was but still not great--without telling me what happened! I hate when they do that.

I'm just constantly worried that it's all about to go horribly wrong.

G00blar, yeah, my mum does stuff like that all the time "your brother's got the pins out of his back now", like WTF?

Argh, that sounds irritating, though - "she's OK, won't tell you what was wrong". My family, thankfully, never do that. You'll just get a blunt phone call. "Sitting down? Good. Your grandmother's dead."

(Didn't mean to imply that your gran was dead - that's just how my mum told me about mine.)

On returning from Holiday, Dawn rings her mum. She says she has some bad news, and asks to talk to me.

Rings off.

Dawn, by now is on the verge.

Basically, their much loved dog had to be put down. But by then, she thought it was her dad or something!

http://www.poster.net/parkinson-norman/parkinson-norman-jerry-hall-may-1975-8400385.jpg

Oh, I don't know, I just worry.

She's been in a bad mood all week, and I'm worried that it might be a comedown from what we did at the weekend - such things are very common, but she won't be aware of that.

Finally finished my email. And only one bitchy comment about Dylan.

And a dialogue re-opened with ex bandmate, and some interesting potential progression.

Trying to get back to Reading to see Amber's panto (she's playing Aladdin, which was a surprise until I found out it's called "CinderRidingHood and the Seven Bears" or some such) and that's at 18:30.

It's thursday night, it's the M11/M25/M40/A4.

What are the chances?

ach who am I kidding.

(Update tomorrow on this thread)

I'm not even sure I'm going to make it to the Early Years tonight. Big fat bah humbug. Is anyone else going?

Come AWN!!! I feel like Kerr here. LISTEN TO IT, DAMMIT!

but it was nothing special

However, I still may be too ill to go to the Early Years. I haven't had a night in since Sunday, and I think I might need one. I don't know! I wish they weren't on so late. I wish someone else were going.

I typed that as "odd", which makes sense too.

I did make it to the kids panto, all that driving and stopping for emergency fillup! Only to be stood outside the door whie the audience smiled at whatever was on stage out of my eyeview. Fortunately, a four year old, running amok, decideed to let me in, and I did get to see all of it. (The bit I missed was some tot playing "London Bridge" really badly. And if this gets googled, allthis happened in Swindon, natch)

What sound do you get if you drop two elephants and a cymbal off a cliff?

*badoom-tish*

then you can have some Oxford Masonic Boom Shake Shake Shake the Room init.

(probably cos the reason our tap water mings is its extreme hardness, which filtering isn't going to remove)

Spent the morning wandering around the back of Clapham/Stockwell looking for my new shrink. Half an hour to examine you, and then it's a new course of medication. Well, not until next year because we didn't finish my ... err, what's it called. When they poke at your head and ask how your thoughts are racing. Two potential new meds I'm going to have to google. Sigh.

Bleurgh, Houston airport is a portal of hell. It truly is.

I think I am going into PBW withdrawl. Sigh.

Go and look at Archel's flickr for some lovely lovely news. :-D

Mark, LTOP does exist and it's been feeding scenesters ever since I can remember. But it's drecky Minnesota party pizza mainly. If he lives locally to it then he is neighbours with my friend and occasional ILXor Chris K.

Kate, I had to wait in Houston's Continental Express winglet for my flight for three hours of 'we don't know what's going on with Minneapolis, what the FUCK do we look like, EMPLOYEES or something?' and it was gross. It smelled like dirty socks.

Linkage???

*(depending on the split)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/20144310@N00/

I will have to tell my mum, because that's her middle name.

Matt's camera needs its clock setting.

That was two Christmasses ago. Blimey.

Hopefully taking someone away for the weekend!

(I don't like to say "I *am* taking..." because I'm sure if I do that I'll jinx everything and five minutes later she'll email me telling me she has to cancel)

Bette Midler's on Martha (American TV!) because tonight's the first night of Hanukkah, and, um, she's promoting her new Christmas album.

That was when I told my school I was gonna start taking obscure Celtic holidays like Samhain and Beltaine.

We didn't have a choice! We got all the Jewish holidays and "got" all the Christian holidays shoved down our throats!

tonight : I really feel like going out and getting wrecked, but I am babysitting for my nephew while my sis goes out and gets wrecked instead.

saturday : a.m buy a christmas tree! p.m Xmas shopping in town followed by BIG beeeeer and chinese food with lots of friends. Also mrs dr c has been in a play which finishes tomorrow, so there will be much associated revelry there.

sunday : recover. play guitar. do stuff with kids like put the tree up.

I actually wanna buy a Christmas Yule Tree this year. They've got living ones across the road, and even though I seem to be able to kill every plant (except the ficus) dead that comes through my door, I'd love to have a living gymnosperm in the garden. I could reuse it every year!

Plus, tree worship is totally pagan. I love it.

Except I worshipped as a GOD here because my wallet's full of ££££££.

What is Latin for James? I feel another windup session coming on.

I thought Jacob was a different name from James, as there's both Jacobs and James in the Bible.

James is English form of the Late Latin Jacomus which was derived from Ιακωβος (Iakobos), the New Testament Greek form of יַעֲקֹב (Ya'aqov) (see JACOB). This is the name of two apostles in the New Testament. The first was Saint James the Greater, the apostle John's brother, who was beheaded by Herod Agrippa in the Book of Acts. The second was James the Lesser, son of Alphaeus. Another James (known as James the Just) is also mentioned in the Bible as being the brother of Jesus.

(I wonder if that greek and hebrew will post)

While Jacob is From the Latin Jacobus, which was from the Greek Ιακωβος (Iakobos), which was from the Hebrew name יַעֲקֹב (Ya'aqov). In the Old Testament, Jacob (later called Israel) was the son of Isaac and Rebecca and the father of the twelve founders of the twelve tribes of Israel. He was born holding his twin brother Esau's heel, and his name is explained as meaning "holder of the heel" or "supplanter". Other theories claim that it is in fact derived from a hypothetical name like יַעֲקֹבְאֵל (Ya'aqov'el) meaning "may God protect".

http://www.mediabistro.com/tvnewser/original/oreillyaugust26.jpg

'Cause I think I saw him on tv once.

Dammit, I'm trying to remember what his fake Republican name is that he writes his windup articles under, but I forget. I want to say Milton Keynes but that's too funny for him.

From the Greek name Áéêáôåñéíç (Aikaterine). The etymology is debated: it could derive from the earlier Greek name ‘Åêáôåñéíç (Hekaterine), which came from ‘åêáôåñïò (hekateros) "each of the two"; it could derive from the name of the goddess HECATE; it could be related to Greek áéêéá (aikia) "torture"; or it could be from a Coptic name meaning "my consecration of your name". The Romans associated it with Greek êáèáñïò (katharos) "pure" and changed their spelling from Katerina to Katharina to reflect this. The name belonged to a 4th-century saint and martyr from Alexandria who was tortured on the famous Catherine wheel. Another saint by this name was Catherine of Siena, a 14th-century mystic. This name was also borne by two empresses of Russia, including Catherine the Great, and by three of Henry VIII's wives.

Also, aikia means "torture" in Greek, bwah hah hah hah.

Excellent. My mum has just gone to work. She brings the dog and he runs around for a bit before he hops into her Caddy, the door shuts, off they go. She has just spent the past half hour telling me that I shouldn't disrespect GWB and that Obama has Parkinson's.

At least my brother hates Bush as much as I do, albeit for different reasons.

She just asked me about U Tube. WTF? Does she mean the train? Or the website?

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Northeast
Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

(The little graph thing won't turn up on ILX.)

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West 

Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.

Hahaha

Judging by how you talk you are probably from north Jersey, New York City, Connecticut or Rhode Island. Chances are, if you are from New York City (and not those other places) people would probably be able to tell if they actually heard you speak.

I'm not from America.

I've got the germination of an interesting idea WRT where to go next with music.

Kate, Psychic Ills - Dins?

I bet you didn't listen to the Secret Machines' Christmas Carol!

:-(

I should give up and go home. My mum will be here tomorrow and then there will be the endless entertainment of FITE!!!ing.

Most are to the address I use here. Which I have only ever used here, so has only ever been visible to ILX logins and people who have subscribed to threads.

On the other hand, the weekend was rather fun.

Eagerly awaiting tantalizing tidbits about your latest adventures with The Goth. ;)

You'll be pleased to hear that the xmas party on thursday was a throughlly enjoyable event. The soviet theme was tenious at best, but the food was tasty and plentiful, and alcohol was flowing, and I got to dance like a monkey for as good portion of the night. I did find my elven beauty in a satin dress, thought that the coincidence was too much to NOT be fate, then realised it WAS just a coincidence when I spotted her 10 minutes later snogging her boyfriend :(

The only sex life I have these days is lived vicariously through FP!

My mum is here so we're going through a period of adjustment, but I'm happy to report we haven't fought yet. This is good. I think she has learned not to even speak to me before breakfast. It's weird to have someone pestering you for conversations during meals. I'm not used to there being another person in the flat.

But it's good, it is lovely to see her.

FuXoR the watercooler, I came into work today and the COFFEE MACHINE HAD DISAPPEARED! Oh noes! A big stonking expanse of formica where the coffee machine should be....

Our watercooler still isn't fixed, but one of my colleagues has been drinking it all through the Pestilence and appears to be fine.

OK, I get the message. You don't actually have any interest in continuing the friendship, you just don't want to think that I "hate" you. Whatevs.

x-post - Surrey Cotswolds? Eh? What on earth?

Are we still dancing on the 22nd? My mum says she will come, though she will not dance.

Would I be right in thinking you intend to tease yr bro coz Hamish = James in Scotlandish?

An amusing thing happened this weekend, I'll start a thread about it in full. Because why not. (clue: Newspapers)

Does anyone know if there's going to be a betwixt Xmas and New Years Freaky Trigger pubcrawl? If not, can we organise a Sandbox pubcrawl next week?

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing today, either, but I've just arranged a meeting with my project manager for 2pm. Hurrah.

I don't even want to live vicariously through FP. There is no sex. Anywhere. With anyone. I'm feeling very bereft of crush and done with it all right now.

Kate, has your crush left you now, or is it still clinging on, like the slightly runny nose at the end of a cold?

Though I am sick of hearing about my brother's marriage, and that just makes me want to have wild flings with inappropriate boy toys. Which is never going to happen, so I'm just bored with the whole thing.

I still have the end of a cold, too. I went out with wet hair to meet my mum at the airport on Saturday morning and have had a sinusy headache ever since.

the number of the Swan is v similar to the main no. of this office which makes me wonder whether Margaret gets phone calls saying "the Arkells 3B won't be delivered til Monday" or "do you open all day on Fridays?"

Sinousy headaches Kate? Welcome to my world. For me winter is just one long sinousy headache.

Wild flings would be fun, but I have a horrible feeling I just want to settle down with an elven type that I can watch HIGNFY and play scrabble with.

I would be happy with NOT cheese omelette, just any kind of food would be good. I don't be touching the devil drink at lunch anyway, I'm too tired and bleugh.

Jarvis was great on Saturday at the Roundhouse. He did a cover of Silver Machine by Hawkwind!!

Oi! he nicked Silver Machine from me. He's never in his life talked about being a Hawkwind fan. Grrrrr.

A crush still clinging on is almost worst than no crush at all. Like, you cling hopelessly to a crush, even though you know you're never going to get anything out of it, not even urgent conversations about Dylan lyrics and songwriting, but you can't really find anything or anyone else to obsess on just yet.

And I actually like his music, that's just vaguely... I don't know.

Photos of England? Hrrrrmmmm.

http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/307015288/
http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/307015689/
http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/307012456/
http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/180074289/
http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/177532352/

Also, this one is for Kate

http://flickr.com/photos/dotcommunist/224348580/

Ed is there any other criteria besides England (you've got a LOT of photos on flickr, i just realized)

xpost - kate got there first!

I'll keep quiet then.

We saw a good pantomime at the weekend! It was at a fetish fayre, but still relied on the usual silly pantomime jokes (although there was a disappointing lack of "he's behind you!")

...

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST KNOCK IT OFF, YOU SAD FUCKING PATHETIC GOTHS!!!!!

God, I'm turning into Marcentino. Shoot me now.

lol

(remembers who I'm talking to)

. . . but of course, if you demand less Gothtalk, then it shall be done, oh great one. (fans kate with a palm leaf while peeling her grapes)

Grrrr.

Oh, and how is it that women with gorgeous figures (ie, the goth, and just about every other non-obese woman i know) thinks they actually have a terrible figure and are really just a big bloaty monster when they're really really not?

On A Certain Lady At Court
Alexander Pope

I know a thing that’s most uncommon;
(Envy, be silent and attend!)
I know a reasonable woman,
Handsome and witty, yet a friend.

Not warp’d by passion, awed by rumour;
Not grave through pride, nor gay through folly;
An equal mixture of good-humour
And sensible soft melancholy.

‘Has she no faults then (Envy says), Sir?’
Yes, she has one, I must aver:
When all the world conspires to praise her,
The woman’s deaf, and does not hear.

A sofa, I mean, not whilst driving.

JB, that is a great poem! I've never read any Pope but I have this impression that he has a bit of a boring reputation.

Ed, my mum would like sausages and bacon. Can you oblige her, maybe Wednesday or Thursday this week?

18th Century educated persons had access to/knowledge of a heck of a lot more obscure, often mythological, symbolism than we did. Sometimes I think we are missing out, not having that knowledge. But then I think of all the things that we have to remember these days that 18th Century poets didn't have to have any knowledge of.

What I really hate is when you are reading an archaic book and all the footnotes are in the back, so you have to keep flipping back and forth, maybe even keep two bookmarks. I far prefer when they're at the bottom of the page, as footnotes should be, so they do not disrupt the flow of reading.

A pedant writes: if they're at the back they're not footnotes, they're endnotes.

whenever I hear anyone mention footnotes I always think back to the style guide from when I was writing my dissertation at uni. There was a supserscript 1 in the midst of the text and at the foot of the page the footnote read "1Don't use footnotes."

I have read books in my time when the footnote is longer than the text above the horizontal rule, which is just silly.

Harvard - the name of the author (or authors, though et al is more common for more than two) and date are given throughout the text and the bibliography is listed alphabetically by authors' surnames.

Every year at work the company buys loads of white stressballs and we have a "snowball fight" in the office. It's organised fun of the worse kind, but still. The safety email that's just been sent out liberally made use of the phrase "snowballing", which I remember from Clerks. It casts the whole safety notice into a new light . . .

Safety points to note:

Snowballing is a voluntary exercise, so join in at your own risk.

Have a quick warm up before going from a period of sedentary work to sudden activity. We don't want anyone to hurt their shoulders and retaliation won't be possible if you are out of the game!

Please be careful snowballing around people who are wearing glasses.

Have respect for those who don't wish to participate.

Water and electricity don't mix so remove drinks, etc from the desk before the games begin.

Why am I feeling so rub today? I just feel more and more down as the day goes on. It's not normal Monday blues.

I feel terrible today. The weather's not helping either, cold and wet and grey.

And the reality of no more band sinking in. It's hard to get my head around. The amount of email that used to go back and forth every day, OK, it was a big hard to handle at times, but at least it made me feel 1) like I was important and 2) like I actually had friends. Now no one writes me at all any more. And it just reinforces that feeling of "Oh, we weren't actually friends. You just hung around me because of what I could *do* for you. And now I'm not *doing* anything for you any more, you have no reason to talk to me."

Which is a horrible feeling.

damn x-posts

Just.

Fucking.

Great.

All you former friends. Love each other. Hate you.

no photo, Kate. anyway, if that's the case, then they never were your friends, so you should glad to be rid of them. (And the farther you get from Bumlove, the better, no?)

So I just (finally) signed a lease on a new apartment. Of course, it's so expensive that it means my "plans" of buying next year have gotten noticeably less realistic, but the view! The View!

I still feel like I've been slapped in the face. You. Are. Not. Part. Of. Us. Look at how happy we are without you.

I don't care if I'm reading too much into one photo, but it's not just one photo, is it?

I don't know understand how to "have friends". I don't understand how to keep friends. I don't understand any of this. It makes me want to become a recluse and never talk to anyone again, never try to do anything again. If my mum weren't here, I'd probably be contemplating suicide again, as a defiant final FUCK YOU to the world.

I wish I knew how to just give up.

Well, at least I don't have to worry about "not talking about it" for fear of offending my "friends" if I don't have any, any more.

No matter how much I hate anyone else, I hate myself most of all. So how can I blame anyone else for hating me?

Kate, remember, it's always going to be rough when people you know get together and don't include you or seem to have forgotten that you exist when planning socially. Especially when there are certain past friendship or relationship issues involved that they appear to be oblivious to, or just way too egocentric about (in your opinion) because they are committing the grave sin of disrespect or omission. It is easier said than done to ignore.

Let them go.

You cannot force these things. You cannot force people to remain friends with you.

(It just feeds the fear that actually, yeah, I am fundamentally just an asshole. And I am, fundamentally, just unable to carry on normal human relationships. I have been going through the motions for a long time, doing the things that I think are "normal" for friendships, but they just aren't working, and other people can tell.)

:-(

Otherwise please please please be kinder to yourself. You are not an asshole, whatever you think.

Band breakups are a lot like romantic breakups - sometimes even harder for me, I guess, because it involves work as well as emotions.

I thought I was walking away just "Phew! Everything's OK now!" when obviously I've still not dealt with the issues which broke up the band in the first place.

I am being an asshole at the moment. I'm being a totally self indulgent, selfish, not giving a shit about anyone else asshole. That's how people who are in pain behave. The pain will go. It's just unrealistic to expect it to go so soon.

I've got another friend in pain due to a deep personal loss and it's never been so hard to be her friend as it is right now. I am optinistic that things will get better. In both cases you have lives filled with structure and work and friends beyond the relationship/tight circle you've left, so hang onto that.

Morning all.

Although I've been meaning to post some of the last two places I've stayed, both of which are quite... "instructive," I think. People ask often. I'll try to get around to it before Xmas.

Like the three sister, i want to go to Moscow. (Again)

I was up doing favours all last night (not half as much fun as it sounds) and am the world's sleepiest man. I think I'm gonna have a Tomcatnap at lunch, assuming I last that long.

I didn't realise there were different CATegories of catnap!

because last year's ended up being a bit of a damp squib.

I was reading somewhere how somebody described something as being "a damp squid". Surely for a squid being damp is a very good thing!

I'm having a TomCatnap in honour of the dead cartoonist.

(CJ, I don't know whether to laugh or cry)

yes, down the Botley Road. Very close to the Westgate Hotel. Standard Greene King fare pubwise, although I've never eaten there. Interesting choice.

News tomorrow.

What's That?

and I no don't mean

http://www.twintone.com/mats-scrapbook/ttpromo/mats8505.jpeg

and there's moving a sofabed on!

Freaking HR department. I've said already I am not signing any contract that does not have my flexitime written into it. Got the contract this morning. No flexitime. I'm considering going on strike until I get a proper contract.

And my mum has given herself food poisoning. Eating dodgy sausages at dodgy takeaways that I told her not to go to. Sigh.

Never thought that yr mother would go to dodgy takeaways. Still, hope she gets over it soon.

I'm in a fucking fowl mood now. Been teetering on the edge of it, but headache, sinus congestion, hacking cough and the cold I had last week has just decided to settle and make my life a misery. :-(

http://www.t-chest.co.uk/2005/images/kids_sunshine.gif

I have been signed off work for a week with a viral infection. Boo. (not that I want to go into work, but I would kind of like to be paid since I am temping, the office is shut for two weeks, then I'm only back three days before I go on holiday. This pretty much equates to three days pay to last me a month. Just as well I haven't wasted lots of money on Christmas presents, eh?

I feel like I have to just keep going until I collapse. :-(

*gis for pointy noses*

tada!

warning: GROSS

http://www.fantasycostume.net/fantasy/images/Accessories/witchnosechin.jpg

I am investigating the possibility of claiming incapacity benefit for a week right now but the forms are hella long for the sake of £60.

http://www.mearso.com/images/109.jpg

I just think I should end the thing now before it turns obsessional and horrible.

But I am in "withdraw before anyone else can hurt you" mode right now.

(I shall be interwebless for FIVE whole days next week!)

This is the problem with being a systems person, that you collect everything into patterns, whether they belong in them or not.

I feel so naked without my phone, too. I've given my mobile to my mum for the week, so I don't even know if people are calling or texting me. And because I don't know, I assume they're not, which is also spiralling me down into EVERYBODY HAAAAAAATES ME!!! territory. :-(

*waves*

I've upset several people in the past by not answering email straight away - particularly on one site whose internal messaging system shows you whether or not your sent mail has been read by the recipient yet.

http://www.postgraduate.hw.ac.uk/course/118/

For every "oh, he just hasn't read the mail yet!" there's a hundred "oh, he's READ it, he just isn't replying - because he HAAAAAAAATES me!"

I'd just rather not know whether they've read it or not.

But I am taking a whole bunch of other upset about other email which has not been responded to, and instead of dealing with it, in those situations (because I just don't know how to) I am taking it and projecting it onto the totally innocent PBW who really has done nothing wrong. (Except not fancy me.)

It is not an error I propose to repeat.

For future reference, however, I would like to state that I'm not going to be dissuaded from speaking to and with people I like on these boards by bullies, particularly by one who should consider herself extremely lucky not to have been kicked off these boards altogether months ago.

Also, what is all this about "the history between us"? There is no "us." Deal with it.

End of transmission.

"Hello, Kate, I am a pointy-nosed cheese farmer!"

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41008000/jpg/_41008910_alex1_203.jpg

He's Country Life's new poster boy. They say that he's going to do the farming report on Radio 4 from now on. I might actually start listening to Radio 4 in that case...

http://www.nme.com/images/84_AlexJames_L060406.jpg

I wish he would sell his cheese outside the Cotswolds, though.

I got a thingy from liberty offering an extra 10% off sale prices till new years eve. I think I know here I'm going on the morning of the 27th.

Ailsa, I've known Alex for 15 years. He exists to be nice and to rip the piss out of Demon All-Bran whenever necessary. Ed met him with me once and was also v. impressed.

I've eaten too many tangerines and feel slightly sick.

I wonder how much mum is.

ihttp://www.aussiefavourites.com.au/cornershop/images/mum_sublimeroll50.jpg

I am not feeling very well, so I hope she is OK.

Rainbow beer. Is that gay?

first song in the Muppet Movie, innit?

What time of day do you take your prozac? I cannot take SSRIs right before bedtime because they make me funny. I tend to take mine just after dinner. Then the funniness has worn off by the time I go to bed.

Eight pint minikeg? Well, that's a bit of a chiz.

http://www.bombardier.co.uk/bombardier/promotions/pictures-of-england

I utterly and absolutely hate people.

Especially anonymous fucking bastards who hide behind their own anonymity to kick people when they're down. There's a special fucking hell reserved in their own minds for them.

If I were feeling better, I'd say "I can't be bothered" but right now I feel like saying "Show your fucking face so I can kick you in it, you coward."

And I can no longer trust anyone.

OK. Not all people suck.

Those stupid MySpace icons that come up and tell you that someone is online. Those really suck.

http://www.radiohead.com/deadairspace/images/thomaspedistra.jpg

I'm having one of these tonight.

http://alexjamesonline.tripod.com/alexbedlogo2.jpg

(if that doesn't post, link here: http://alexjamesonline.tripod.com/alexbedlogo2.jpg )

I am decidedly Ill (bad headcold which has now settled in my chest) which is making everything seem worse than it normally appears.

And my mother taking me to task for my "terrible drinking" (i.e. having one hot toddy when I got home, and another, 3 hours later, after a meal, before I went to bed) isn't helping.

But I am determined not to feel like death today.

I cracked open some IKEA Boss Glogg (Bøssa Glögg). Tastes like brandy with raisins and cinnamon.

She got here on Saturday. I did not drink on Saturday. On Sunday, I had a single beer while I was making dinner. No drinking Monday. Tuesday, two hot toddies. Yes, terrible drinking problem! Sheesh.

Boss Glogg. Weren't they a NYC noize band?

There *is* a Doctor Who box set of the David Tennant series out now, isn't there? I cannot imagine that this would not be marketed and packaged up for Xmas.

If there is, I might go and brave the Xmas shopping at lunchtime to go and get it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Complete-Box-Set/dp/B000FFL702

You can also get it in a limited edition shiny Cyberman head!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Doctor-Who-Lenticular-Exclusive-Amazon-co-uk/dp/B000GB5OWW/ref=pd_sbs_d_h__1/202-8724019-5075007

That's what I'm doing for Christmas settled, then. I don't mind if there's no transport if I can hunker down and watch an entire series of Doctor Who on DVD.

Who am I kidding? It's Dr. Who, of course I'll buy it. Especially if it's metrosexual Captain Jack.

I'm not so sure about Robin Hoodie, tho.

As it almost always is.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/totheendsoftheearth/images/photogallery/340x255/anderson.jpg

(I haven't seen this week's yet)

Should I have another mincepie? Why not.

I wonder where my mum hid our mincepies! We bought two packets. I liked the Taste The Difference Brandy flavoured (coz, you know, I'm an alcoholic and all) but my mum perfered the ordinary kind which I found too sweet.

But of course home made ones are the BEST OF ALL!!!

(I don't like raisins and sultanas and currants and things like that, which kind of takes the edge off Christmas eating for me)

Brandy butter covers a multitude of sins.

(I'm pretty sure my liver's irredeemably knacked already))

It had changed location/date several times, but settled on a greek restaurant in't stockbroker belt. We'd been told it was Chris Tarrant's favourite place and he often is there. Oh. Right. Good.

So anyway, yep. he is. Now, why should he happen to be there on a given night? He's not doing a standup/cabaret, so he either owns or joint owns the place, or he has some sort of 'I'm a celebrity, feed me for nothing' deal which pulls the punters in. Dafter things happen.

So, anyway, We're doing the usual eating/drinking/dancing/loving (actually, not that last one, went into bedsitland my only home for a bit there) and look up to see CT doing the Conga around the place with many others to "agadoo". Which is what you'd make up if you going to make up something plausible. Add to that, some time later we click that CT's guest tonight is Paul McKenna, and we see him later dancing badly to "Don't you wish your g/f was raough like me" which is almost (but not quite) the weirdest party night out involving celebrities I've been to.

£60 for the Doctor Who box set. But, at least I have it in my hot little hand. And it was the last one.

And got a bunch of other CDs, too. Gilbert and Sullivan (Pirates and Pinnafore complete), John Tavener, Lloyd Cole - Donovan and Dylan because I know it's music my mum will actually like, as opposed to just putting up with.

£5 for Bringing It All Back Home! Best Dylan album evah! (If you are not PBW and therefore stupid and irrational on the subject.)

Maybe it was simply bad choice of words on yr part but if you are simply "glum"...

Yes, bad choice of words on my part (i.e. supermegaunderstatement) and *no* intent to offend anyone. My only point being that for most of my teen and adult life people have commented on or asked why I am depressed (or complained about it), meanwhile sometimes it seems like everyone else and their dog are "on" something.

Now back to discussions of Dr. Who boxed sets...

Ailsa, brandy, honey and fresh ginger in a glass topped up with boiling water is STEP ONE to shifting a cold. STEP TWO involves a trip to an Indian food outlet: think Jalfrezi or Dupiaza - somehow chili, garlic and onions help too. I trust you will find this agreeable, or at least more so than sinking a bottle of Actifed.

(I had an older CD version, no idea what happened to it. My parents had a beat-up vinyl one.)

x-post

Lloyd Cole - Rattlesnakes (plus 4 bonus tracks) - £5
Lloyd Cole - Rattlesnakes Boxed Version - £10

Like, what kind of mug do you think I am?

A quick trip to the drinks cupboard shows that I appear to have finished off the brandy. Bah. I have some honey rum left instead, so am now drinking that. Oh noes, I am a terrible alky!

How can this be a best of Donovan if it has no "I Like My Shirt"?

Chiz!

A lot of xposts:

My theory on raisins is that they have been dried up for the express purpose of soaking up liquid and that if that liquid is booze then so much the better.

Aaaah, it's too bad I can't wind up my mum by telling her that Donovan was a better lyricist than Dylan. I used to get great amusement by winding up my sisX0r's mum by telling her that. She was such a Dylan freak that she had this massive fuckoff terrifying Lionel-Ritchie-In-Hello-Video style clay bust of Bob Dylan in the spare room. It used to terrify me because with its massive larger than lifesize mole. Anyway, I used to tell her that "First there is a mountain then there is no mountain then there is" was heights of lyrical abstraction that Dylan could never hope to scale.

But then she gave us her copy of the box of A Gift From A Flower To A Garden. And my sisX0r and I sat up all night taking speed and eating M&Ms and we covered the cover of the box with M&Ms the same colour as the picture until we had a giant Chocolate Donovan. Hence the song of the same name.

Aaaah, happy times.

I used that as a nom de poetry (or whatever you'd call that) for a while.

That was the first cd I ever bought, back in 1986 and it cost me £13 back then.

I plan to celebrate Christmas by pouring brandy on my muesli.

Man I had forgotten just how GROOOOOOOOOOOVY Donovan is. Why let hippie parents have all the fun?

He's got the most hilarious accent this side of a Jesus and Mary Chain song - i.e. pretending to be west coast Dylanamericana when he's really from Glasgow.

I still hate raisins but have never met an olive I wouldn't eat by the kilo.

Ailsa it is now time for CURRY UPGRADE. Go for Thai red.

On Monday I had OMG proper Mexican carne asada burrito after which my entire family cussed me out for going to "the ghetto" to get it. Minneapolis has a LARGE Mexican population (who have all moved Norte over the past decade) and the bigot wing of my family assumes they're all undocumented unless they are practically brandishing papers. FFS. I'm kind of sick of this attitude my immediate family have developed where nobody in America does an honest day's work except for them.

I am going back to said "ghetto" (actually a heavily gentrified former Sears building) at least once every few days until I come home.

Nick sounds nothing like Donovan. Donovan way cooler.

Kate, has anyone ever recommended Hugh-Laurie-in-medical-drama House to you?

(Though TISSP was getting off on just how formulaic it was.)

"Jennifer... Juniper! Lilacs in her hair..."

This is just the... *wettest* music ever.