Bondage sex assistance please?

http://www.knottyboys.com/

http://www.sfbg.com/39/51/sex_20_fav.html :

"You're setting the stage for a romantic bondage evening with your honey. Ropes? Check. A little red wine? But of course. That dodgy how-to pamphlet you got at Crazy Zeke's Adult Bookstore? Only if you don't mind explaining to the fire department how your beloved got tied to the ceiling fan. Bondage should be sexy and safe, and nobody takes their bondage fun more seriously than Two Knotty Boys. Bay Area duo J.D. and Dan use their professional rope-rigging experience in workshops that demonstrate how to create everything from a simple wrist restraint to an advanced suspension harness. Your rope-burned baby will thank you, and you might actually be able to truss up that Thanksgiving turkey this year."

http://www.bkanal.ch/blog/uploads/funnyfriday_chickenbondage.jpg

And yes, the first date is her cooking me dinner at her house, so I want to be prepared. But accordding to yall I'm dangerously out of my depth.

http://mandyjo.punt.nl/upload/Rubber_Bondage_4.jpg

woah

Do look around for the BDSM FAQ, because there are some safety things you should know (don't tie too tightly for too long, etc -- but the FAQ will have specifics, and might even give you ideas).

Remember to wrap it up tight when you do the deed. Any girl that mentions bondage on the first date has probably been around the navy base a few times.

Since nobody has nmentioned safewords, make sure that you have a coded word that REALLY means stop, so you can ignore your partners' pleas to stop unless they really mean it.

http://pics6.erosboutique.com/gde-x180.jpg

Yeah, it's so you can give your girl/boy that hot hamster/Brehznev look with the puffed up cheeks.

Billiards trick gone amusingly awry, I would have thought.

The traffic light system is best. Green means "be more aggressive, forceful", amber is "stop doing what you're doing currently but stay in character", red is "stop immediately and break character".

if you do ever tie her up, go velcro first! there are little starter kits at any toys in babeland or wherever; with velcro you don't have to worry about being too tight or loose.

so i HEAR anyway. i'm not at all a pervert.

Dom? Like in Dom Passantino?

can be confusing ("don't stop!")

But that one depends on tone of voice and can be confusing. A safeword like "red" that definitely means "stop right now" is always needed if you're playing with someone you don't know that well, or if you're not very experienced yourself.

Ring gags can be interesting if you think ball gags look silly. Very humiliating for someone if they just can't stop themselves drooling.

i think the whole "code word" thing is more for the bdsm lifestylers or for episodes of 'law and order' during sweeps week; i can see the appeal of it to the goth/ anime dress-up types (not to mention GOREANS holy fuck!)

my thing is just that *some* people perhaps like rough/ intense kind of sex sometimes, so why should these people not perhaps communicate with actual real words along the lines of "enough STOP it already you creep!" rather than having to remember to say "alf is my favorite show" or "listerine" or whatever.

I know what you mean; it's pretty obvious to tell the difference between someone saying "Ow stop that you bastard!" and "oh no no no Sir please don't tie me up nooooo :-)"

And, equally, if someone gets *too* drawn in and starts spacing, they can be too far gone to be able to tell you when they're in a dangerous situation. That's not likely to happen if you're just tying someone up for a bit of rough sex, but it does happen to people.

(when I've subbed I've sometimes got into a state where I've been weirdly unable to speak at all without a *lot* of mental effort - and I'm not someone who spaces easily)

(when I've subbed I've sometimes got into a state where I've been weirdly unable to speak at all without a *lot* of mental effort - and I'm not someone who spaces easily)

I nearly called an ambulance the first time I saw someone go into subspace, scared the shit out of me. It's like their IQ drops 100 points instantly.

What does the beeping noise and the little flashing green man mean?

hello? is this thing on?

The beeping means you've left something in the microwave and the little flashing green men are indicative of a Martian midget porn fetish.

Fwiw, I no longer own a microwave and am far more partial to Venus than Mars.

xpost

This thread isn't about watersports, you know.

Uh oh, I feel a case of apiphobia coming on.

How can you be so sure, CJ? Psandy's date sounds like she's got a good bit of kink in her.

My guess --

PSANDY: "Wanna go out next Friday?"
HOT GIRL: "Yeah, see, Friday I'm, like, tied up."

-- the pony-poop paradox (n!t$u...), December 7th, 2006.

yeah well done.

xpost

She was the one who wanted to go slowly. Delicious snogging on the sofa. I discovered that when I bit a little harder she shivered meltily. Then it was time for me to go home.

I'm still a bt anxious about the second date, but I didn't embarrass myself on the first one. Thanks very much everybody!

PS. No, StanM has totally owned this thread, sorry Nabisco.

(Also I'm totally curious how she made it clear that she seriously meant I Like to Be Tied Up, as opposed to "my ex-boyfriend pretend-tied me a couple times with silk ties, and that was kinda sexy" -- I guess you know her and her context and all, though.)

(I should have stuck with the eyelets joke, I guess.)

That, yes. My existing fantasties just don't run in that direction. I don't particularly want to be in control. Dom's "she's a lazy sack of shit" remark resonates. I didn't think it was so unusual, to not have tying-up experience. But I really like this girl, even more so since the great date, and I'm happy to play along and learn as I go, if I can do so without seeming a fool, and maybe like Mike said "maybe she sees some kind of dom-dude thing inside you that you do not" ... maybe!

And
> Also I'm totally curious how she made it clear that she seriously meant I Like to Be Tied Up

I think there's a distinction I'm not getting, quite, between some necktie-poseur brand of tying up and some more serious style? All of that is all of a piece in my mind, and all quite novel. How she made it clear was, we were talking on the phone, and she invited me to her place, and I asked teasingly if she would do a strip show for me after dinner, and she said, not-teasinly, "if you're good I'll ask you to tie me up" or something like that. I don't know if that means "seriously" or not.

I'm impressed that everyone on here seems to have so much experience of this sort of thing. I've been around, I thought, but somehow tying never came up before.

(a) It's not unusual not to have tying-up experience. But if you were thoroughly uninterested in it, you'd make a poor match for someone who was. Luckily, this isn't an issue, because...

(b) Deadpanning "if you're good I'll ask you to tie me up" DOES NOT MEAN SOMEONE IS INTO BEING TIED UP, neither in the playing-around necktie way nor the hardcore bondage way. I mean, that's like a rote sitcom-level "naughty" come-on. It's a generic flirt. I urge you VERY STRONGLY not to interpret it as a professed interest in bondage or submission.

I repeat: OMG WTF.

...until someone else needs it. ;-)

Can you eplain more about the distinction between nectie and hardcore bondage, which everyone seems to know about? Is it really such a sharp divide rather than a continnuum?

psandy, tying your girlfriend's wrists to the bedframe with grandpa's old ties, and hogtying her and then hanging her from the ceiling in such a way that you can simultaneously swing her back and forth to be penetrated by a strategically placed dildo while whipping her clothespinned tits with a cat o'nine tails are just not in the same league.

I don't think I could manage the synchronized swinging penetration, but the rest of it sounds realistically within an amateur league. I think it is a continuum.

Michael, she said "if you're good I'll ask you to tie me up," a statement whose two halves play enough opposite games with power dynamics that I wouldn't read much specific into them -- just that she likes him, and is being flirty/teasy, and her ideas of being flirty/teasy at least involve talking about this stuff. All of which means that Psandy is well short of running to the library for a pile of bondage books. I think my point is that, if that line is as far as she's gotten, he can probably proceed with the couch-snogging at normal, and can figure his way through wind up maybe playing with some cheap handcuffs in a month, and doesn't exactly need big "help, my date likes being tied up" advice threads on it quite yet.

What, uh, library section is that, btw?

yeah, that was my first thought also. always use padding!

If things progress between you two, and this does in fact come up as a desire, you shouldn't be afraid to confess your relative inexperience and ask her for advice or perhaps a book or two.

This here, this thing that I do, this is sex; that there, that thing that I don't do, that is sex with extra stuff.

OTM. Sex requires trust. Kinky sex requires huge amounts of trust. I can't imagine playing these kind of games with someone I wasn't already very involved with.

You're one to talk, Cuddles.

Damn OTM.

Plus, the better you know someone, the better BDSM sex will be. Because, at root, it's all about knowing what buttons to push to make someone have a good time. Some people do get hugely turned on by the thought of being under someone else's power - it's just one of those innate things - and you only have to do something very simple, like hold their hands firmly behind their back, to start them melting. It doesn't need a trip to the hardware store.

Some people are just more trusting than others. We call them "sluts".