domestic outrages chronicle

i found my dressing gown in a different room from where i left it being employed as a lining for a small dog's bed, having been dragged there, i suspect, by a determined brigand with a set of very small white choppers.

I am outraged for you, estela.

my dog (RIP) used to do that w/ my mom's stuff when she wasn't home because he missed her and he wanted something that smelled like her

disgraceful.

my husband finding a bag of unidentifiable vegetables buried under a chair cushion

!

uhh

it was a small bag of snow peas or something. i know, disgusting

shocking.

i just found the stove left on many hours after f. cooked some oatmeal, the house could have caught fire and harry and i might have been burned to a crisp.

ytth is actually a total slob, i'm not exaggerating. but i knew this before i moved here, so i have only myself to blame.

If I am ever outraged domestically, I fear there will be no one to blame but myself.

did harry drag the snow peas to under the cushion, do you suppose?

i am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv glad you did not burn to a crisp, dearestela.

+ more vvvv, actually. infinity symbol. where's max when i need him?

max and i, we are constantly disappointing one another.

harry would never go to any trouble over a snow pea.

i'm forever glad you are forever glad about the nonburning, darlingxy.

<#

oopsie

i just bared my teeth at my screen.

Hey get a room you two

jk <3

our room would have a large dish of jaffas in it.

the dish would be as large as the room

maybe the dish could just BE the room?

in that case we should expect frequent visits from smoove and ytth.

i wish tza wasn't jk and this room was real.

Well too bad I was def jk because I don't even know what jaffas are and you guys already got your little jaffa party anyway.

jaffas are delicious orbs of smooth milk chocolate with a crispy orange candy coating, i am confident you would <3 them.

Oh god now I really am jealous bc orange and chocolate is one of my all time favorite combinations.

Also back on topic I am outraged because my faucet water filter will not stay attached and now I have to return it. But at least it is an outrage of a domestic nature that is not my fault!

dreadful.

you must be outraged

is it a domestic outrage if an indoor daisy has to live on a back stoop, i have a feeling it might be.

wait, who is supposed to be outraged in this scenario, the daisy or me?

any flowerphile can fill that role.

the daisy is probably just sad and confused and cold.

I, for one, am irate.

fortunately for the daisy a plant-lover has just swept into town.

ps. it's quite warm, and has just rained, and i can't hear the daisy crying to be let in, so.

what is her name?

i hope it's daisy.

i think it is sweet pea

i've changed over to hoping it's timid frieda.

i have a new outrage: i was at the grocery store (domestic activity) and sultans of swing started playing in the background.

X(

the plant-lover? her name is tehersa, of course. silly girls.

i still have an annoying ringo starr song stuck in my head from my market visit this morning. i won't torture you by saying what it is.

i hate dire straits with a passion, estela, so i feel yr pain

my dad used to play that song so loud
childhood trauma

i can't find a place to get my hair cut

cut it yourself then post pix on stuff you made

can't cut my own hair. i wish i could but it's really really thick and needs to be thinned out every time. also it is coarse. it's the worst hair ever. it's a true domestic outrage.

your hair is pretty, harbl. it has a nice wave, iirc.

aw thx but it is just impossible

why did you need me for the infinity symbol

i tend to cause more domestic outrage than feel it tbh

ari tends towards outrage, i tend toward outrageousness

xp max, because when i expressed a need for the therefore symbol, you provided it in a trice.

we have a general understanding in our household: ytth doesn't like to clean and doesn't really care all that much about being slobby, except for once in awhile, and i am getting more neurotic about these matters as i get older. so whoever is most annoyed by something being dirty is the one who'll clean it. it works pretty well.

domestic outrage this morning: ytth couldn't find his keys and i got snotty cuz he can NEVER find his keys so i sighed loudly and got up to help him look and then remembered that i put them in my handbag last night

∞

thank you, ma∞

grabbing paper grocery bags out of car, sharp edge of handle slipped under my nail (there was BLOOD) and it is hurting like a mo'fo' today

kia kaha smoove.

on tuesday i missed the garbage truck because i thought it would always come at 11 pm and it came at 7:30. so i had to keep my garbage inside until today and i had a lid on it so the flies were manageable but when i went to tie it up it was the WORST garbage i have ever smelled, it smelled like a baby's diaper x10000, i thought i would pass out, i was gagging, it was unbelievable. i did get it outside but now the smell is still lingering even though i sprayed the garbage can with lysol. UGH what an outrage

in other words, you took a very short trip to shanghai

i am never going there

gah sorry harbs.

when i lived in japan i always knew when summer was at hand bcz our building's garbage would get the WORST fish stench. oh it'd get in my nose for hours, so awful

Oh god the worst was living next to the live poultry store in bushwick my first summer in nyc. It was a hot one, with many 100 degree days, and with no a/c our options were a) stagnant 100 degree chicken air, or b)turn on fan & blow hot chicken breeze all over the room. On top of it, when the garbage truck came, the act of picking up the bags that had been cooking on the street all day and throwing them into the truck where they were mixed up with all the other hot trash would release this pugnant stench into the air that once woke me up and almost made me vomit it was so bad. What an outrage!

Lol pugnant? I don't know if I meant pungent or repugnant there but lol.

EW hot chicken breeze!

wait how is that different than the delicious aroma of chicken coming from your oven?

^vegetarian

why don't you let a TOFURKEY rot in the fridge for a month then put it in the garbage and leave it out in the hot sun for a week

wait, scratch that, you've done that before

guffaw

Oh snap

It still wouldn't smell as bad as poultry I imagine. Something about animal flesh is just so prone to rancid stenchiness. Also remember that it was a live poultry store, so you got the smell of animal waste, too.

uh, ok, got it let's move on now, k?

Yeah, ok.

Btw not so much an outrage but a word to the wise: if you buy fat free brownie mix do not expect brownies but rather spongey chocolate rubber.

lol @ fat-free brownies!

I know, what a silly idea!

the locus of outrage is in the initial plan, not in the unsurprising result.

Last night I found a slug on my lettuce! It was a little outrageous but I calmed down and took him outside to roam free.
http://twitpic.com/8fqqh

uh, that's a really great pic

wow. welcome to seAttle

slugs are a good source of protein

slugs are a dismal source of protein.

seAttle

that represents the spAce needle

iphone likes cap A

(hi sandbox!)

Even after a good talking to and clear instructions on how a roomba would do it, the vacuum cleaner is still sitting forlornly out in the main room, just can't manage to put itself away in the closet.

it is outraged

(hi jaq, welcome back, we missed you!)

i discovered my 'last peeler you'll ever buy' in the trash can under a mound of vegetable peelings, and to add an extra layer of outrage it was my second last peeler you'll ever buy, my first last peeler you'll ever buy got thrown out the first week i owned it and i didn't realise in time.

(hi jaq!)

Hi Jaq!

Estela, I think you have a peeler problem. I will attempt to dream up a solution to this outrage.

Also reminds me: need to buy vacuum cleaner.

maybe jaq's roomba can be programmed to roam over to your place occasionally. for that matter, maybe jaq's roomba can be programmed to roam over to MY place occasionally.

stela, maybe it would be more economical and less outrageous if you just bought the disposable peelers from now on.

oh i thought it was just a normal vacuum and jaq was trying to shame it into roomba-like behavior by telling it all about how a roomba would go about cleaning the floors and then stowing itself neatly away.

domestic outrage resolved: working internets!

^^ this

I felt bad for my outrage though and apologized as well as for yelling when it sucked up the belt from my robe.

hooray for working internets!

(I am actually afraid of roombas tbh)

i guess i was having a domestic fantasy. also, i'm a careless reader. oopsie.

i do like the idea of a roomba trundling about the city and letting itself into our homes to work while while we sit with our feet up, cocktails in hand.

"oh hi, thanks for coming over. i'll just be out here on the porch if you need anything. say, next time you pass through the kitchen would you mind bringing me that pack of smokes on the counter? i'd hate to get in your way."

i've had this step ladder for a long time but i only just noticed the lolabel:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3629/3681080863_c813ec556a.jpg?v=0

looks perfect for http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

:) sent the picture just now.

just got soooooo much hair cutoff my head
not really an outrage, more like a wonderful feeling

*fruit flies*

oh man, i have a fly infestation problem atm

we had one for a while but finally got rid of them
posting about it will probably bring them back

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ew5dAISAUI

i built a trap for them, last year

that made me shiver.

i don't think i want to watch that video

xp

t. flystelashiver

i was shivering about your trap, not the youtube.

oh it was made of a small jar and a square of saran wrap with a small hole in it, sealed with a rubber band. you put a piece of fruit in the jar and watch the flies go in. they can't find their way out. works like a charm!

harb n/l

you could patent it and call it The Jarbl

lol

I bait my Jarbls w/ cheap balsamic vinegar or a nice foamy yeast solution for max fly attraction. Li'l dudes are swarming all over my indoor gardening so gonna take some action on 'em.

there is nothing quite like painstakingly squeezing lemons and limes for 30 min to make lemonlimeade and then accidentally knocking the container over when you put the lid on, spilling 80% of your labors onto the countertop, which then has to be thoroughly cleaned. outrageous.

if you give someone a nice round potato chip they shouldn't carry it delicately over to their little bed and then take a nap on top of it until it's just ugly salty crumbs.

nope

u always know what's what.

i send u my sympathies tehersa re your unacceptable citrus fiasco.

i need help figuring out how to hax

can't

dunno what it means

domestically outraged about my stolen wireless connection being stolen from me! i guessed a password of another but it seems to be not connected to ISP and i can't figure out the router's ip address :(((((
i am bad for stealing internets but it's their fault they picked stupid passwords and/or gave the password to the girl who normally lives in this apartment

i don't how we all keep going, plain old fashioned courage i suppose.

i was trying to grind a ton of pepper over my dinner and the thingy fell off and a hundred billion peppercorns fell into my food and i had to pick them up. but i missed some and crunched into them while i was eating and got quite a fright.

f. overheard me calling a kitchen implement 'fucko'.

that made me snort unattractively into my coffee just as poor violet was passing my desk. i am a bit ashamed of myself.

i have a terribly unfeminine habit of calling things by long strings of expletives when they don't behave: SHITTYCUNTMOTHERFUCKINGSHIIIIIIIIT

i got some vegetable dumplings at the chinese store yesterday and one of the ingredients is "JEW'S EAR" can you believe that?

i just said to the cat, "hello dumpling!" and she was nonplussed

That's a cat for you

i bet she was secretly thrilled, the little bosthoon.

there is a green lint-covered button on the laundry room shelf which i graciously offered to sew back onto f.'s jacket when it fell off 2 years ago, i recall he thanked me profusely and i said it was no trouble, which turned out to be 100% true.

tsk

i'll do it tomorrer.

likely story

Bride's bouquet crashes plane in Italy

July 15, 2009 - 6:47AM

ROME - A romantic wedding in the Tuscan countryside ended with injuries after an attempt to launch the bride's bouquet from a plane brought down the tiny aircraft.
Italian police say two people were hurt in the crash of the ultralight plane after the bridal bouquet they launched got caught in the aircraft's rear rotor.
The flowers blocked the engine, bringing the plane down by a youth hostel.
Police in the nearby town of Piombino said on Tuesday the pilot was lightly injured in Saturday's crash, while the passenger who threw the bouquet had several broken bones.
The bride and groom were not aboard the plane.

i despise many brides.

so do i. i'm glad we agree about brides

why are they so excessive and wasteful

i think you would make a lovely princess for a day.

Brides are the most disgusting savages etc

mark my words: i will never be a lovely princess

lol

starting to warm up to harbl

???????

do i detect a hint of outraged puzzlement

yes

<3

landlord late on trash bill; bags from all units piling up outside my back door for 2 1/2 weeks now. need to borrow boss's truck at lunch to pick them up and throw them away at work (not risking ruining new car's upholstery with weeks-old garbage bags).

can't you call the city on him or something? there has to be some kind of law that prohibits it from being left there that long!

that is a bonafide untrumped up domestic outrage.

another brownie outrage: gluten-free brownie mix makes a strange concoction that sticks to your pan and results in palm punctures when trying to use a knife to lever it out. oopsie.

think i am just gonna give up on brownies.

the same thing happens when you get fat-conscious and try to get by with half as much vegetable oil as the recipe calls for.

er, minus the palm punctures, I mean. someone needs to buy you a tacky knife sharpener for your birthday imo, & you'll never have that problem again.

the batter seemed totally greasy! i thought it was gonna be a gross greasy glob that would slide right out of the pan.

the knife was plenty sharp... it's just that i accidentally jammed it point first into my palm in a badly coordinated attempt to loosen crap from the bottom of the pan.

i suppose that is why they make spatulas, but it just didn't seem appropriate.

spatulas as cutting instruments are bogus and totally unfulfilling, especially when they're made of that teflon-friendly silicone crap. what fun are cooking tools when they're not visceral and potentially deadly?

on second though someone should buy you one of these:

http://www.theknightshop.co.uk/catalog/images/001_L-03.jpg

three light bulbs burnt out in my apartment! first two i was lazy about changing because there are a few other lamps but i found some light bulbs. the other one is on the kitchen ceiling 10 ft up. kitchen will be dark until after the exam i guess. what an outrage.

that totally beats my ove glove!
xpost

haha harbs, lxy got stern with me the other night "the one thing you HAVE to do before you leave saturday is change that light bulb" one she can't/won't reach

i am domestically outraged

neighbors next door are having a loud yard party. they are shouting about boring topics such as snow crab and high blood pressure. i need not to have neighbors.

i am really lucky in that my apartment is situated such that i never hear any of my neighbors.

there's a parade outside my windows. with bagpipes

sympathies

thx. it was a once-a-year thing. I'm afraid your neighbors may not show that kind of restraint!

i am outraged that someone has tied up two pitbulls on the sidewalk while he is doing something inside. pitbull barking is not a pleasant sound at all, in my humble opinion

even the cat is shaking her little head in disdain

friends, i let my clothes pile up for so long that now, so fed up am i with having to maneuver around them, i am having to fold wool sweaters during a goddamn heatwave.

i outrage myself.

and the rest of us!

the most outrageous part is that i can't allow myself to make a drink till i'm done, and it's taking for fucking ever.

outraged.

good thing you're on the internet then. getting stuff done!

good thing you're not here, buster.

urban dictionary "virtual slap" is boring damn
:(

i <3 u buster and busted.

here is a domestic tip i just discovered: in a heat wave, eat refrigerated persian cucumbers. it is crunchy and cool and satisfying, especially when accompanied by a cool cocktail.

okay, done. now i have my cool cocktail and will be busy for the next while drinking it and hlding the glass against my anguished, glowing temples.

cucumbers are kind of #1 cooling off food. what the fuck is a persian one tho

they have long gray fur?

!!!

they are cuet and little.

you can eat them whole.

it's fun.

nobody wants to eat fur

the roof of my mouth is pleading with me to stop reading this thread.

i'm sorry ;_; that was far too outrageous

a comestible outrage.

did you mean: furry sea cucumber?

http://www.usbg.gov/plant-collections/conservation/images/Cliestocactus_strausiisamll_1.jpg

^^desert cucumbers

http://i221.photobucket.com/albums/dd118/embarchie/qwerae001.jpg

I just really like cucumbers abs now you've all gone and tarnished their reputation O_o

tsk at you really liking cucumbers' abs.

how ripped do you really want a cucumber to be?

LOL @ autotext striking again!

Persian cukes are kinda ripped though!

omg you guys

A package of mushrooms had the temerity to rot in my fridge before I used them for anything. The nerve of them!

enough cheek for another row of teeth.

my pesto plans are always foiled because i forget and by the time i remember my basil has gone bad :(
xpost

ytth showed some domestic outrage over me calling him a slob to all of the sandbox, and asked that i retract my statement since i came home from work on saturday to find he had meticulously cleaned and tidied our living room and foyer.

shame is an excellent motivator

i found some maggots.

it is intriguing to me that every time i clean the living room it is a complete mess within 24hrs, yet after ytth cleaned last weekend it has now been almost a week of tidiness. he's v v proud of the job he did so now i think i will make him clean more.

he proudly reminded me last night that EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK HE HAS REMOVED OUR DIRTY DINNER PLATES TO THE KITCHEN

you have trained him well! i am v proud of you.

http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

on national punctuation day, even!

the comment your post got seems "a" bit dodgy.

wow i'm really "proud" of you lxy!

"thank you"

<3

hahaaa nice 1

ironing always turns a rotten mood rottener

watching laurel iron using my kitchen counter as a board made me kind of tickled!

unclogging an long-clogged drain is very satisfying

day and night my house echoes with the sound of small toys being squeaked, my dog is an avid squeaker, sometimes he will wake up and loudly squeak things at 3 in the morning, luckily it fills me with joy because it so rotten. for christmas he got a little blue squeaky octopus and for new year's a little red squeaky crab from the same series and he has been carrying them around and squeaking them everywhere and making comfortable little beds for them and him, and lying down next to them and taking a nap with them and then waking up and squeaking them some more.

lxy <3 harry

there was quite some outrage in my domicile yesterday. it concluded with my landlord shouting at the plumber to "get off my goddamn property or i'm calling the police!"

utter disaster.

!!!

Were you left with functional plumbing???

he was protecting you, that was a burglar dressed like a plumber

sandbox watergate!

oh yes, we have "minimal" service at this point.

we are 4 plumbers, > $1200 billed, and 4 days in, with an estimate for final resolution of 2 weeks, $19k.

thank fuck the landlords are on my side and are dealing with everything going forward. that said, based on yesterday's phone call from the original plumbing company, i may need the services of harblawyer.

outrageous.

we got a good flashlight out of it, though. sam the plumber was too afraid to go back upstairs to get it when he got booted, lol.

it's very important to have a good flashlight handy.

Good flashlights aside, I am outraged at the very idea of "minimal" plumbing functionality.

I mean, it is outrageous that lxy can not flush with impunity! This has been weighing on me all day, and I want to go stand there and indignently foot-tap (with arms crossed and eyes narrowed) until those burglars plumbers are done.

i want you to do that as well (and for someone to film it).

this has to be the biggest domestic outrage ever on this whole sorry thread.

f. and i have always disagreed about bedding because i am a very hot sleeper but he gets cold so a couple of years ago i had a brainwave and bought him a single goose down quilt for his side of the bed so we wouldn't argue any more. harry loved it to death and made a beeline for it every night, and this summer when it became too hot f. put it on the floor and harry ditched us and has slept on it ever since. the other day f. said he didn't really want it back after months of harry lying on it so i got f. a new one and last night was the first time he used it and harry immediately leapt onto the bed and tried to dig a hole in the new quilt and then collapsed and lay around all night on it like a bad baby prince. f. didn't like this but i on the other hand did, i woke up at 3 am and heard harry's tiny regal snores and i lolled and lolled in the darkness.

you and harry are two terrible peas in a pod, i love you both very much :) <3

<3 that's because you're a terrible pea also.

would you guess that i have fruit flies!

i have been pretty clean too, i just have tomatoes out. i took the garbage out an hour ago. it had old bananas and fruit ends and other organic matter.

lol, did you see what I said on the banana thread about you.

moving house is a domestic outrage. i am never doing this again.

we had fruit flies this week too thanks to a crate of peaches that was getting overripe

we just spent 12 hours moving today, plus making car trips every night this last week btw the two places. went back for pretty much the last car load of stuff and the only thing i forgot was THE FUCKING BOX OF BATHROOM STUFF WHICH HAS ENRAGED ME.

i didn't have a shower this morning, i'm all sweaty and gross and dirty and i have no soap or shampoo or a toothbrush or any goddamn thing.

yeah i hate moving more than anything. my lease ends the end of next month and i'd like to move but i think i'm going to wait a couple more months at least until it's not 90º every day.

yeah i one point i just felt like crying. but i'm a bit of a baby about moving, i dunno it just brings up a terrible anxious feeling in me. i counted how many times i've moved house:
6 times before i turned 18
15 times since i turned 18

lucky for me, ytth is pretty much the greatest person in the world and he took care of 80% of the moving situation

iirc there is some statistic abt moving that gets trotted out regularly--like its the 3rd most stressful event for people after divorce and the death of a loved one.

yeah i've heard that too, but i feel like it's such a ridic thing to put on that list. i mean, it's stressful hardcore for about a week and then it's over.

One thing we aren't going to miss about the place we just moved out of: the rat-infested potential zombie attack tunnel to the parking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG8giQdA-eg

aw but won't you miss watching that amazing cardboard hobo palace grow into a cardboard mcmansion? and what about the dude out front with his rocks!

Cardboard shanty guy expanded during June to include a bike storage area!

Drac was outraged last night when he found himself OUTSIDE! He snuck out the back screen door as it was closing behind me, apparently. 15 min later, I kept hearing this very demanding and semi-panic-stricken meowing and found him pacing on the step. He glared at me so hard when I let him in, I'm lucky to still be unmaimed!

...

tmi

lol

with all due respect, Eljer toilets can fucking die.

quite the domestic outrage over use of bleach-based cleaner to clean the bathroom this afternoon.
some of us have sensitive noses, it seems.

i need to clean the bathroom today. or i need to clean something. also i need to go to ikea and get a couch cover and i want to buy a coffee table (not at ikea) and i want a duvet cover. all of this is making me outraged.

i got the couch cover and i feel so much better. i didn't get a coffee table at the antique store but i did get another bookshelf. but i don't know where to put it.

maybe you could put it on its side in front of your couch. two birds.

ha, it's a little too shallow though. also it smells like it's from a smoking household! oops.

i mean no offense to smoking households, lol

ohaha!

is it outrageous that i still have not purchased chairs to accompany my dining table and we eat all our meals at the coffee table while sitting on the couch while the dining table sits across the room looking sad and dejected, just begging for a party of 6?

the table is the villain of this story, not you, don't fall for its sad wooden tricks.

i am totally, completely outraged and my bathtub and its refusal to drain properly.
bathtub, you ruined my sunday!!!

my bathroom sink won't drain but it's my fault for not fixing it when it was just a little slow

you poor things, my pipes are perfect.

i just got our windows cleaned for the first time in 8 years, that is a bonafide domestic outrage.

i came here to post that but then i got carried away with boastfulness.

i am no longer outraged at my bathtub :)

Outrageously, we are OUT OF TONIC!!!

tsk.

Evidence of drunken debauchery strewn all over the house this morning, and the cats are Not Amused.

our fruit flies are too stupid to figure out how to go into the jarbl, much less how to get out of the fucking thing. jesus.

those little assholes are just walking around on the outside. goddamn motherfuckers, get in the jarbl!

i am outraged.

i made the holes bigger and 2 of them got in! now they're walking around inside. at what point do they go in the liquid and die from the pleasure of drinking too much balsamic vinegar? cuz if they just keep walking around, at some point someone's going to find the way out. and tell all the others.

5!! walking around still, though.

It can take awhile for those bastards to get overwhelmed and drowned. I usually use a mix of sugar and yeast in water for maximum attraction and death, and cut the hole in a T shape. The draping down bits from the T cut get them more confused about the way out, generally. But sometimes you get a smart one.

In other pestilence news - my yard is full of slug traps, paper cups tilted sideways with a few inches of beer (Bridgestone Indian Pale Ale, I think). Except now they are full of dead slug stew :/

7 now, and a couple more lurking around on the container. an especially crafty one walked in then walked right back out, suspicious little devil. as far as i know, none have died and none have escaped.

i think one of them is nearly succumbed. poor little fucker. it's sort of horrible.

ok now they're dropping. like flies. i can't watch.

jergins just laughed at me for being kind of sad.

Well, if there was a way to put them outside and make them stay....
But, there's not, so this is their path to the after-party.

and they go in a vinegary bliss.

on more than one occasion i have announced to the garden that f., harry and i live inside and everyone else has to live outside and most have listened but in every walk of life there are always a few luck pushers.

my little luck-pushers seem to be on the other side of their luck now. jergins swirled the jarbl to hurry them along.

there must be 25 wee bundles of booty there at the bottom of davy jones' cask.

rip unlucky luck pushers.

i discovered my 'last peeler you'll ever buy' in the trash can under a mound of vegetable peelings, and to add an extra layer of outrage it was my second last peeler you'll ever buy, my first last peeler you'll ever buy got thrown out the first week i owned it and i didn't realise in time.

― estela, Monday, June 29, 2009 7:12 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark

good riddance second or maybe third last peeler i'll ever buy, hello third or is it fourth last peeler i'll ever buy, i hope you don't leap into the trash like those other ingrates.

fucking grain moths!!!

i had noticed a lot of moths but thought maybe it's a seasonal thing. no! they were breeding inside a little bag of pumpkin seeds i had forgot about. they turned the seeds to dust. i just threw out a lot of plastic-bagged foods like dried beans and stuff. so grosssssssssssss. i vacuumed a bunch of the moths up. can they escape from bagless? i guess i have to dump that out too at some point but i'm scared.

i need to buy more cat litter and i usually use the stuff made of corn but maybe i have to switch to something else because i should not have a big bag of corn sitting around while i'm trying to get rid of these things

oh ugh, i hate those fucking things. maybe you can make a moth jarbl and put some pumpkin seeds in the bottom to lure them.

i need to make a new jarbl because the fruit fly population is on the rise again, but i used up all my jars on jarbls. i vacuumed up a few of those too!

i was so irresponsible with food storage because nothing like this had ever happened to me but i was aware of the risk and just chose to ignore it. i had stuff in its original paper bags like tapioca flour and corn meal and buckwheat flour! i hope it helps that i tossed it.

so far i do not have pests but i am outraged at my leaky sink!
must call landlord. always put it off. what am i afraid of? i don't know! he is so nice!

i am going to target today and i am going to make my domestic life less of an outrage

tried jaq's yeast and sugar concoction in the jarbl today. dumped some of each into warmish water, stirred, and lidded. after several hours there was only a very thin layer of foam, and no fruit flies. couple of more hours, two inches of foam and about 7 fruit flies roaming around on the underside of the lid, and one who was intrepidly tip-toeing along on top of the foam. i lolled very much before i swirled the jarbl and sunk all of them.

saturday in the car, on our way to the island, jergins and i lamented that we hadn't had time to clean up the kitchen before we left. "oh well," jergins said. "there's still monday." "i think we'll need to do a jarbl by then, too," i replied.

and then we congratulated ourselves and the sandbox for having a word for the fruit fly annihilator.

fruit flies crawled into my bottle of rice vinegar because it was not snapped closed enough. only two. they died. i guess it's time to buy some new rice vinegar!

I am thinking a lot about dear Harry the thoroughly rotten domestic brigand today.

ME TOO

<3 so far so good, he is staying at the vets tonight and i can bring him home tomorrow.

thank you for your kind thoughts, it really helped to know people were sending him good wishes, that little bosthoon. in the car this morning his round black eyes were shining with joy wondering where we were going on this fine spring morning, it was a heartbreaker.

the landlord calls and says she needs to come over and check out a minor mold situation in our bedroom, but makes a point of telling us that it's not an Inspection Of The House, so we should just close the doors to any rooms we don't won't her looking in.

our bathroom is a disaster but i get home pretty late the night before so i figure fuckit i'll just close the door.

2 days later she calls to say that she had to use the bathroom to wash her hands (UM HELLO WE HAVE TAPS AND HAND SANITIZER IN THE KITCHEN) and she 'noticed' some 'issues'.

she sounds like one of my least favourite kind of people in the world.

if she brings it up again pretend you thought she noticed some tissues.

hi i'm harbly posting on lxy's computer

― lxy, Saturday, October 8, 2011 4:04 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

i was stupid and bought more corn cat litter and the moths are back. i gotta get an airtight bucket i guess. BLARGH

the good news is i'm going to clean my house, once and for all

i changed the bulbs in my kitchen to CFLs because i had accidentally gotten 40 w bulbs a while ago and it was too dark and i was getting new ones and now it's *very* bright in the kitchen but it seems very yellow-green like i am in a storage room. it's the bulbs but also the kitchen has bright green walls. kind of an outrage. not sure what i'll do.

i keep looking at them and now little blue spots are floating in front of my eyes

the good news is i'm going to clean my house, once and for all
i say this like, every 3 days and then... oopsie.

lol yeah it's not really clean yet. but last weekend i made a lot of progress.

there was some outrageous noise coming from under the living room floor this morning. WTF!???!

it sounded like a beaver was gnawing on the ceiling with its gigantic, yellowed teeth. but there was no beaver to be found in the basement so...?

maybe there was a ruckus on the doorframe, maybe ruby started wrestling with estela and estella over who is the tallest and then all the other names joined in, you should check and see if any of them have got a black eye or are looking a bit smudged.

i returned to my erstwhile abode to find that the new shower curtain i gave money to my brother to purchase does not match the curtains or tiles, neither of which have unicorns on them.

just get new curtains and tiles to match the unicorn shower curtain

LIKE DUH

Get some unicorn + rainbow stickers and put them on the mirror and tub! It will tie the whole look together!

glue a horn to your forehead and ram your brother with it.

Lisa frank that shit to the maxxxx

hmmph i suspect you all to have been 'got at'

sometimes a love of ludicrousness can overpower a capacity for domestic outrage and the thought of you scowling at your unicorn curtain is enthralling.

also, there are some trouble-lovers on this board. not naming names.

y'all <3 .^. imo

your unicorn shower curtain has now been discussed at dodger stadium in los angeles.

what does bryce harper think of unicorn curtains?

he thinks they're a hit

your unicorn shower curtain has now been discussed at dodger stadium in los angeles.

?

which part is being questioned, deems?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/emmanflea/1037458188/

i just don't understand the entire thing tbh

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5330/7149988745_81e673d449_b.jpg

ha that is awesome

omg

that is going on a t-shirt, and i will post pics

that is so very great.

I am outraged that my air conditioning doesn't work and my landlord hasn't called me back in days and it's hot and the humidity is 78% and we can't sleep.

i am outraged for you but happy that my window unit works

the pots that my new herbs are growing in have been sitting outside empty and waiting for at least 6 years.

i left the barbeque open and an unanticipated shower has caused much outrage

did your hamburger get soaked?

nothing quite so disastrous, but it did lead to all the ash turning to mush which is going to take some cleaning whenever she gets around to it

that is outrageous

hrmph

I followed the perfect poach technique exactly as written and exactly as s did it last weekend, but my egg did not poach perfectly. Pfffft.

i like half and half in my iced coffee but have gotten 2 containers of it in a row that were sour! i get natural by nature brand from wf because it reminds me of naughty by nature but i am not getting that anymore!!!! what an outrage!

You can take anything back there! Go get yr money!

i figured i would spend money on something if i went so i just dumped it

i'm always too lazy to return stuff

i generally find it much too difficult to shop, let alone return things

i'm also too lazy to return things.

i'm cleaning my room today. it's an outrage!

my increasing size is an outrage

look i been pondering this admission but i gotta let it out

sultans of swing is the best

the best

giant ikea bedframe under construction in our bedroom came up missing 1 very critical part. Our old bones will be outraged if they have to sleep on the floor tonight!

fruit flies

darraghmac, sultans of swing is not the best the best but <3 nonetheless.

aw. if all confessions had that feel-good payoff i'd never have stopped going.

There are so many storms in the area, the weathermen are warning power will likely go out. No rain or lightning here yet but already power is blinking! What an outrage!

what, an outage?

that dodgy pun is better than sultans of swing.

darragh, are there any other burdens on your conscience you would like to set down by posting about them on the sandbox.

why

what have you heard.

that in the distant past you sang with a swing band and your stage name was darraghmac the knife.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2332/2219267962_6a36f9f819.jpg

it all happened outwith the house and is therefore out of thread's jurisdiction imo

darraghmac the butter knife

that is almost certainly a fat jibe imo

guys

i am outraged by your squabbles

if henry has taught us anything, surely it is to look beyond our minor differences regarding things like sultans of swing (which i'll admit is pretty fuckin sweet if not strictly 'the best')

to be truthful, i only said butter because i wanted to make lxy happy, butter is one of her happiness trigger words (so is partridge).

i don't know who this henry is but he sounds a bit pious.

to summarise, in the disant past darraghmac the butter knife sang with a sultans of swing band.

toi-disant past

happiness, triggered

also i confess that i am slightly gleeful that it's fruit fly season again. harbl, tell us about your jarbl!

i was thinking about the jarbl a couple of nights ago, bc i think we have FFs.

if i discovered ffs i would say ffs

that is exactly what i said

fruit flies are such focused little creatures, you can tell they only think about fruit and how to get closer to fruit and they wish you wouldn't wave them away from the fruit and they hope you will go out to the garden or the store and get some more fruit, etc. they never look at each other except at halloween and only then if they're dressed as plums.

one persistent fucker has been buzzing round my head for a couple of hours.

i should really get up and organize a jarbl but i biked like EIGHT AND A HALF MILES today (which is oh about 8 x further than i've biked in a really long time) and i'm not moving from the couch anytime soon.

oh harbl, i've been meaning to tell you that i made my jarbl from a vietnamese yogurt cup, with holes poked into the lid. it's rather brilliant, i think.

that's perfect! i need a container because i don't want to use a jar i want to keep around. they were gone because i went away for a few days. all i had to do was cut a tomato and they magically reappeared. ARGHHHHHHHHHBLS

this is such a quality thread and

f. overheard me calling a kitchen implement 'fucko'.

― estela

is in my top five favourite posts.

my favourite thing about irl-estela is hearing her swear ^_^

i love this thread and that post too, ruby.

the season's first fruit fly appeared last night.

<3 i've been thinking a lot about how much i loved seeing you all in april.

lately my sister keeps phoning me and calling various people cunts in a pleased defiant voice tone that i have always admired and so far her list has been spot on.

she's trying to finish a phd so she has my sympathy and my ear.

This 8 story office building in downtown Birmingham is seriously infested with fruit flies and needs, like, 1 million jarbls.

Or, 1 gigantic one, suspended in the atrium.

imagine it. it might be quite artistic, if a bit serrano.

I am imagining a peppery jarbl :)

haha 1 million jarbls :)

i hoarded a package of jaffas and now they're stale :(

tsk.

i am acquiring a roommate

he's an acquaintance and is a good dude, although his name does not really suitably accept a -bl at its end.

i am sure it will be fine and perhaps even good, but i don't really want to live with anyone except my ex and my her cat?

i dunno -- it's been quite a while now and there were reasonable reasons for us to have split but somehow it seems even more difficult now than it was a year ago

i had to read this a few times because i wasn't sure if you were talking about getting a new cat or a human roommate. i am very tired.

we accidentally discovered the perfect jarbl concoction this week: whiskey soda with lime and ice, half consumed and left on the counter amidst myriad other neglected drinking, dining, and cooking accoutrements, till it becomes opaque and develops a thickish skin. the friut flies just dive right in and pickle themselves, even without the trickery of t-cut cellophane.

disgusting but effective.

we wondered why the invasion had abated mid-season, despite the unwashedness of practically every dish in the house, when all the while the wee drunks were quietly drowning their sorrows in a forgotten cocktail hiding behind a stack of plates.

i found some camping inside a plastic bag i had left on the table because it had a tomato inside :(

i'm sorry that's not why i left it on the table. i left it on the table because i am disgusting. the flies were in the bag because a tomato was inside.

i'm not sorry that's not why i left it on the table. i'm sorry in general.

<3

it makes me laugh with such great fondness harbl

although his name does not really suitably accept a -bl at its end.

i simply cannot parse this

but i'm sorry, mookieproof, that you're feeling blue. breaking up is hard to do.

me: i don't know why it makes me so happy to post about jarbls, but it does.
jergins: not a bad thing.

i fondly called harry a 'rotten little jarbl' the other day and when i realised what i had just said i wtfed myself.

i love all of you!!!

having a fruit fly problem what with the abundance of nectarines & pluots & plums & melons

left out my usual half glass of sherry (port is good too)
9 drowned flies in less than 4 hours

i left an empty wine glass and found 10 flies playing inside it

my soon-to-be-roommate's name is rossbl

see what i mean?

rossibly

i hope he is not irascibl

jaq otm, but i vehemently wag my finger at you, estela

in that case i have changed my hope.

why is there never a giant delicious stash of chocolate or caramel hidden in the desk when you need one?

tried port and caught another 10-12 hard to tell when they are all clumped up in a tiny glass

i worked on cleaning the bathroom this weekend. my house is really cluttered and dusty. i always think "this weekend i will clean" and fail every time. so i am just going to work on going from back to front. bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, other room i don't know what it is. rowhouse apartments can feel like loooooong narrow studio apartments which makes it feel more overwhelming for me to clean somehow.

Otm. I cleaned out the bathroom cabinet - an entire bag of garbage was the result, v satisfying. Decluttered the living room a couple weeks before. Next is the hall closet, a couple weeks from now is the garage. I have about an hour limit on cleaning, breaking it down into small separate parts makes it more likely I will actually do it.

yup an hour is about it. i took a long break to eat lunch. i need to get my shower curtain into the laundry while there is a thunderstorm and then go running. if i write it down maybe i will do it.

there was a fruit fly putting on an aviation show inside the refrigerator.

Blatant little bugger.

I let the sunshine and fresh air into the house on the weekend, and all it did was point out my slovenly housekeeping.

i am not a very avid cleaner, cooking is the only domestic activity i am enthusiastic about.

the only solution to my domestic woes is arson

squalor is better than ashes, i think. also less dangerous. and less illegal.

There is a small dog's worth of hair covering my apartment if i don't vacuum more frequently than every three days :( I try not to be outraged because i know she can't help it, but it is pretty darn outrageous!

i saw the first fruit fly of the year

since it's just the one maybe you could make a jarbl out of a thimble.

in related news we are having a problem with sugar ants :-(

i'm experimenting with a jarbl variation which is really just some pancake syrup on a piece of waxed paper. jergins reports that we have one victim so far.

of course now i feel guilty.

lol @ victim

^ ban iirc

okay it's not working. the victim has freed himself after gorging on syrup, and none of the others seem interested. just 6 ants wandering aimlessly around the countertop.

jergins swiped up the wanderers with a sponge, and the experiment has thusly concluded.

jergins otm as usual

There are tiny ants in my office. I find them on the whiteboard during meetings. Its weird but they are mostly harmless. We have those liquid trap things that worked ok last year but not so much yet this year.

they sound cunning, i wouldn't relax if i were you.

i had them in another apt and used traps that were like little homes they would crawl into to get poisoned before crawling away to die somewhere. they worked pretty good.

so i guess not traps, they went in and then out

For healthier, happier fruit flies: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/04/18/teen-scientist-says-fruit-flies-prefer-organic

uhhh, ant problem maximized itself over night. gross.

now i'm sort of terrified to leave for a week, because what if they take over??!!!

if I spot your furniture parading slowly down the street, I promise to make them put it back before you get home.

thank you, neighbor!

Bumpy arsed pan makes omelettes stick and makes me outrage

there are baby birds in my kitchen exhaust fan what do I do??

oh god

i think it's time for a jarbl. so many of these little guys and there's not even much food around. also windows are closed.

i had to ask someone what a jarbl was

lol who did you ask? what answer were you given?

lol! just some lady at the grocery store i imagine

i asked a sandboxer, since i assumed the name was sandboxish and might be different in other realms

i was told it's to do with the punishment of fruit flies

alternatively you could've read the thread. in fact, i would recommend it, on account of it's fucking funny.

;)

Mookie, were you embarrassed to ask here?

I bought a pre-marinated pork loin a while ago because it was on sale for $5. I stuck it in the freezer for whenever. Just cooked it and it is inedibly salty :( I am outraged.

it's jarbltime

always

:(

i have another sandbox confession and this time it's almost certainly a yellow card minimum

:(

it's much worse than when i voted for discouraging harbl, which didnt in any way reflect my true feelings on that subject

o dear

i googled the right term and i am trepidatious

so i stayed up and figured out a guitar lick or two nbd right

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Nvr3t68nf8

my rice was infested with tiny ant-like things, ewwww! :( on the plus side this led me to discover that farro is great in soup!

rice weevils?

i cried when i found weevils in my oatmeal.

(i was 6 years old, but i would probably cry if it happened now, too.)

i googled and that seemed like the most likely culprit :(

i've gotten those before. so unsettling. the main problem in my old apartment was carpet beetles which imo is even worse because they like any organic material, not just foods. huge domestic outrage.

a fucking stray fucking bobby pin in the fucking load of fucking laundry i did yesterday has just cost us $400 for a new fucking washing machine!!!!!!

i guess it jammed in one of the holes around the tub, horizontally, and during all the spinning it just stripped the plastic outer tub and then my whole kitchen got flooded with a full load of water.

Oh no!!! So sorry :(

that's the worst bobby pin I've ever heard of in my life.

argh!!!!!

http://www.rte.ie/news/2013/1030/483478-dublin-households-facing-water-disruption/

i ask you

yr link has been disrupted

tsk-e bah-a

earlier i heard a gecko doing some clicky singing in the roof, i couldn't tell if it was singing, won't someone come and have some babies with me, or, hey gecks, here's some wires we can chew on.

gecko bro

you could save 15% or more on your car insurance by switching to geico

are you sure it wasn't an ecko

if not, i spose it was right from the gecko

little sir gecko

i might have needed a 15% car insurance discount because--and this is a domestic outrage on a giant grand scale--i was driving home from the grocery store a couple of nights ago when i realised a very large spider was in my car, on the the windscreen, moving towards my bare arm. it's something i've always dreaded might happen ever since i moved to australia because the spiders here are horrendous and sneaky and i always fretted i could not guarantee my driving behaviour if it did. however i stayed calm, pulled over, got out of the car very swiftly, whipped off my shoe and leaned in and whacked it. and when i got home i emptied a can of bug spray into the car and then left it closed up for 24 hours. and then today i sprayed inside the car some more with a new can of bug spray and then i closed it up again for an hour and then i drove it with trepidation but without incident.

vehicular outrages chronicle

i was forever scarred by the tarantula in dr. no

v. proud of estela for proper driving behaviour!

i dont like bugs in my car but the stakes have never been so high
estela has nerves of steel

tbh i'm uneasy about making a call on this without hearing the spiders pov

This reminds me of the time in college i saw a centipede in my bedroom and sprayed every inch of the perimeter with raid to try to protect myself from them. it was really not very lung healthy in there...

my car still reeks of laboratory eucalyptus from the bug spray. i'm not a fan of using bug spray but this was a triage situation.

Eu sure calyptus wings

that is a pretty good pun if you can ignore its heavy reliance upon not very sound arachnology.

You spider problem?

*whips off other shoe*

Is barefoot wise with all these creepy crawlies about idk

that is a very sensible point.

“Although finding fruit flies in your wine or beer can be a bit annoying, I hope people will pause to admire the tenacity of these clever little creatures,” Dickinson said. “They are really just hungry animals looking for something to eat, and have no intention of ruining your happy hour.”

http://i60.tinypic.com/vilj88.jpg
^^^ hungry animal looking for something to eat

uhhh rotate that in your minds

carrots = outrageous

is that a humidifier?

Wait why was photo not rotated on phone but is when I view this on ipad??

Harbl, it's an air purifier.

I like carrots. They add a nice crunch.

i want an ipad but i don't need to spend more time on the internet. every morning i waste 20 minutes reading blogs and the baltimore sun on my phone! i need a real alarm clock and to leave my phone in the bathroom at night. outrage.

i also need a humidifier bc i wake up with a sore throat and my cat's a little dandruffy.

B always sleeps near the space heater and she got outrageously dandruffy. My neighbor recommended fish oil and/or coconut oil so i went coconut to start cause it's cheaper. It made a big difference in like two weeks!

i want that natural light alarm clock thing bc the number of times i hit snooze on my phone every morning is also an outrage.

science tells us that snoozing makes things worse, but i can't help it

ugh I know, it's the worst!

my cat clears up a little if i give her wet food. she loves to eat coconut oil so i keep meaning to put that on her dry food.

i caught her dipping her little paw into my mason jar full of water which was on the floor by my bed. what a rotter.

disgraceful®

my thermostat isn't working! I changed the batteries but I think the touch screen died because it won't let me adjust temp and is stuck on some random program so I only get heat at random times and I have to drag my giant space heater from room to room (or just stay in bed). I could get a new one but I don't want to dig out my car.

I don't even know if there's a shovel in the basement! I will probably end up attacking the snow with my ice scraper (pathetic).

A/C broken. Dudes couldn't fix it after three hours but did manage to leave black fingerprints all over my ceiling.

we had an outrageous storm last night :(

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/1000s-Without-Power-After-Storms-in-Md-Va-DC--263789541.html

aw terez, are you okay? is your domicile okay?

Aside from the fact that my air conditioning still doesn't work, I am fine! The neighborhood is a hot mess and at least one building and a few cars were hit by trees but I think overall we were all extremely lucky. The weirdest thing is that no one beyond my neighborhood experienced anything remotely like we did! Everyone says, "yeah I think I saw a little lightning in the distance" but I swear it felt like a hurricane outside my window! Lightning hit a tree that came down a few feet from my window so for a while i considered hiding in the closet (so not hardcore!).

dag <3

glad! how's our harbl?

my a/c still doesn't work :(

that's outrageous!

Oh awesome the power is out again so now we don't even get fan cooling O_o

pepco amirite

dominion. stupid lightning :(

My a/c works!

I'm cold.

tsk<3

;)

tbh i only really feel alive when i can see my breath

i put 2 shelves in my bathroom. i wanted to do a perfect job but it was imperfect. i made a hole in the wall trying to put drywall anchors into what turned out not to be drywall (i used studfinder but there was apparently some piece of wood going across!) then i concealed it with the shelf bracket. so that shelf has 4 anchors instead of 2 and two phantom screws pretending to help hold it up. i also suck at drilling two pieces of wood together. it's an outrage!